The Conversomniacs

There are a great number of my friends who, like me, live a woeful life of insomnia. Many times we will find each other online late at night (or early morning) and have odd, inane, over-the-counter-medication-induced conversations. These are the kind of conversations that will cause you to say, after re-reading them in a more coherent state (like, say, New Hampshire... but certainly not Colorado, maaaaaaan, after the law they recently passed....), "What. The... Who the hell is Princess Persnickety Pants and why did I claim to be her Overlord Lover from Planet Stallion?" (Ok, fine, maybe they only cause me to say that... and for the record, Princess Persnickety Pants is quite the catch.)  

Did I lose you already? In answer to that question which you are now asking yourself aloud (after which, also aloud, you will ask yourself why you're talking to your computer and then blame it on the Mt. Dew), No, I did not get much sleep last night.

Next question: Point being?

The point is that I will be drawing on these conversomniac interactions to create a new, recurring piece here at the Goodman Bloggery. So, with further a doo run run, a doo run ru... *ahem* sorry. Let me introduce you to Caitlin and Josh, our protagonist conversomniacs, as we listen in on their wee hour interaction. (Well, actually, peer over the shoulders and read their text interaction... but not really, because then we'd be in their bedrooms, which is kinda creepy. And I know some of you don't need to be saddled with a restraining order. Again.)

I'll stop now, and begin the first entry in our voyeuristic diary of... The Conversomniacs.

Caitlin: Are you awake?

Josh: No. I'm sleep-texting.

*pause*

C:        You're an ass.

J:          I know. What's up?

C:        Can't sleep. Brain won't shut off.

J:          And your solution is to text me at 2 am?

C:        Misery loves company.

J:          Not really.

C:        So…

J:          So…?

C:        Who would win in fistfight, Phantom of Opera or Jekyll/Hyde?

J:          For the love of God, go to sleep.

C:        This is the kind of shit that goes through my brain at 2 am.

J:          smh. Fine. Um… Phantom.

C:        Why?

J:          Because Hasselhoff played Jekyll/Hyde.

C:        Point taken.

J:          Can I go to sleep now?

C:        Come on! This is fun!

J:          Seriously. Have you tried melatonin or something?

C:        I thought that was a skin disease.

J:          *face palm*

C:        Fine. New topic – Boobs or ass?

J:          Don't they usually come together as part of a package?

C:        You know what I mean!

J:          *snicker* Boobs.

C:        Why?

J:          You are familiar with what comes out of an ass, right?

C:        Again, point taken. Lol ok, here's a deep one love or lust?

J:          Both.

C:        Can't have both.

J:          Grrrr. Love. Love endures. Lust is fleeting.

C:        Hmmm.

J:          Wut?

C:        Not what I expected.

J:          I… wow. Thanks for thinking so highly of me. LMAO

C:        That's not what I meant!

J:          What did you mean?

C:        I, I guess, I dunno.

J:          Cait in the name of sweet bejeebus, can I please go to sleep now?

C:        One last one…

J:          Fiiiiine, shoot, but hurry. Am fading fast…

C:        If we weren't such close friends, would u ever consider dating me?

*pause*

C:        Josh?

C:        Hellllloooooo….

J:          If I say yes can I go to sleep?

*pause*

C:        You really are an ass.

J:          Cait… I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted. Yes, I would.

*pause*

J:          Cait?

J:          Cait, come on…

J:          *sigh* G'night Caitlin. Sweet dreams.  

© J.J. Goodman 2013. All rights reserved.