J.J. Goodman: Writings, Musings and More

It took a few moments for his eyes to focus, and when they did he still didn't believe he was seeing that which he saw. The face that looked back at him was round, like that of a cherub, with rosy cheeks and tiny little eyes that blinked rapidly. Its complexion was so nearly perfect he'd have sworn it was artificial. No one he'd ever encountered exhibited such a cheerfully symmetrical smile. It was the ears, however, that drew his attention the most. Small and pointed, they protruded from the sides of the red, velveteen hat that adorned the small creature's head. "Are you an elf?" he asked. The creature nodded feverishly in the affirmative, but did not speak. "I must have hit my head harder than I thought," he murmured as he moved himself to a seated position on the sidewalk. The elf brushed snow from his shoulders and the breast of his overcoat. Once all was cleared, it stood, its shoulders hunched forward and hands clasped, just smiling away.

When last we met we discussed the finer points of innuendo and inappropriateness, which are two of my favorite "in" words by the way. [Yes, I have favorite "in" words. I know, inconceivable, right? And that word – it does mean what I think it means.] In illustrating the beneficial health effects of inappropriateness, I gave you the example of the Cheeto-phallus. Well, due to an extraordinary work load and the constantly shuffling of papers on my desk, I discovered this morning that Cheeto-phallus is still on my desk. In the exact same condition as it existed when first placed there. Three weeks ago today. (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!) I have to admit, I was with you on that sentiment… at first. But then something happened. Something magical. Something wonderful. (Oh sweet bejeebus where is this going?) Ok fine. Nothing happened. But that's just it! Nothing. Happened. At all. Drawing, as I typically do, on the quintessential "if it's