Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0: Toes and Potatoes
To ramble back to the beginning of Expectant Dad 2.0, please visit the links below:
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Okay, so apparently writing that last post got the
proverbial juices flowing. Actually, it wasn't so much writing the last post as
it was my finally being able to go to a doctor's appointment with my wife for
the first time in thirty-five weeks.
(You haven't been to a single appointment yet???)
Nope. Thankyouverymuch upidstay ovidcay uckfay ouyay in your acefay.
(Tell us how you really feel.)
You know me well enough by now to know that not being able to attend a visit, not being able to hear my new little girl's heartbeat in real time, not seeing her for myself on the ultrasound screen, has been downright murderous. So to say it was a huge relief to finally be in the room, to hear that heartbeat, to see her tiny fingers, tiny little toes, tiny little face in 3d on the ultrasouDEAR GOD.
OH MY DEAR GOD.
(What??)
Have you ever seen a three-dimensional ultrasound? It's a picture. Of her face. Only it's not really her face. It looks like someone starting making a face out of clay but forgot to put the eyes in and… wait. No. It's not even that defined. Have you ever tried to sculpt something out of your mashed potatoes? THAT'S what it looks like. A regular ultrasound is one thing. I can see her shapely little head, and even her wee nose and lips… but that whole 3D thing? The tech should have better prepared me for that. Now I can't picture anything except that little mashed potato face. My little spud buddy.
(You seriously need help.)
I know. Speaking of potatoes, and sorry to get political, but remember when one of our biggest complaints about a presidential or vice-presidential candidate was that he couldn't spell potato?
*sigh*
Good times.
(*blink blink*)
Right. Sorry. I digress. The moral of the story is that now, finally, I can come to doctors' appointments. Ironically, I may not attend any further appointments at this point, but this was the important one. I got to see my new baby girl. Hear her. Be present. I think one of the hardest parts of this pregnancy for me as the dad has been the fact that I haven't been able to be as present as I was for our other daughter. In some ways I feel very guilty, both for not being able to be as supportive to my wife in that regard, and guilty for not being there for this child as I was for the first.
(You know that's silly, right?)
It isn't, really. You know me. Being a dad is literally the most important purpose I have in life. It's what I was made to do. I wasn't complete without a family. So not being able to go to doctors' appointment for both my children makes me feel guilty. Will she ever even know? Well, she'll find out when she reads this blog someday, so, probably. So if you're reading this future daughter, I'm sorry for not being there. When you were on the inside. And I really couldn't do anything for you. But you get the point.
If nothing else it just illustrates how different this process is from the last time. There will be no one else in the delivery room but for my wife and me and the medical staff. Once I'm in the hospital I likely won't be able to come and go, either. No one will be able to come and visit. That means then, at a time when our current little one's life is about to drastically change, a change she can't fully comprehend, that neither of her parents are going to be able to be there for her.
That. Fucking. Sucks.
As it stands (at least this is how I think it's going to go) mom-in-law or cousin-in-law or a mom and a cousin and maybe a grandpa I don't know it takes a village but someone is going to come to the house and stay with the wee one while my betrothed and I tend to the wee-er one in the hospital. It's not ideal, by any means, but it's the hand we're dealt.
I am so very lucky though, to have so many supportive and loving family members and friends that will get us through the next couple of months. And thankfully so. I need someone to back me up on getting the wipe warmer this time, since someone else *coughcoughwifecoughcough* wouldn't let me get it the last time. Who doesn't want a warm wipe on your woo hoo?
(I… *sigh*)
What? Tell me I'm wrong. Anyhoos…. We're officially within a one-month window of new daughter's due date. And while I can wait a little longer so she gets a little bigger and stronger, I cannot wait my entire family is home, under our new roof, together. Me and my girls.
My girls.
Talkin 'bout –
(my girlllllllls…. My girlDAMMIT. It's been a while since you earwormed us.)
You had it coming.
So what do you think gang? Is this girl coming early like her sister? Do I have less than four weeks to go until I'm One of Four, Dad of Two, Changer of Diapers, Father of Fawns, First of My Name of House Stork?
Time will tell. But not too much time.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go re-learn to breathe hooos and haaaas and to swaddle and stuff. I wonder if kid, the first will let me practice on her?
(Let us know how that works out.)
On second thought, no, I don't think I will.
Stay tuned. We're on short time now.
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