Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0: Frightened for the Future

 

To get up to speed on the Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0, please feel free to visit the links below:

• PART 1
• PART 2
• PART 3 
• PART 4
• PART 5
• PART 6

Otherwise….

 ________________________

*YAWN*

(Starting a blog post with a yawn?)

I slept for all of about seventeen minutes last night.

(Oh crap this one's gonna be a doozy, isn't it?)

Little bit, yeah. So…. Offspring 1.0 is having a really tough time lately. Despite all our efforts, and despite her outward excitement over the prospect of her pending big sisterhood, she's not really okay. There's a lot of anxiety built up in that tiny little brain, and being all of less than four-months shy of three years old, she has no idea how to express it. There's been a bit of regression, especially when it comes to sleep. Sadly my betrothed and I have found ourselves sleeping in separate rooms a little more as of late due to the uncomfortable, late stages of her pregnancy. Last night, after one bout of crying and demanding mommy in the middle of the night, my wee one came into the spare room where I was sleeping for some comfort.

(Ahhhh. We get it.)

Yeah. She just needs us right now, mostly mommy. Ergo, when she does come to daddy I cannot dismiss her. I'm tired as a result of my mini-person flopping around all night, but that's not the only reason. There's been something else on my mind. Something else I can't shake. And I have to get it out.

(Should we get coffee and sit down for this?)

Probably. And I'm forewarning you now, this one is going to be a little long-winded and political. I know what I'm about to say is going to piss some people off. You know what? I don't fucking care. Because those people will have to deal with the consequences of their own actions. I'll deal with the consequences of mine. So are you ready?

(*sips coffee* Ready.)

Over the weekend, I read a book and watched a documentary film, each of which shook me. The book was Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters. The film was The Way I See It. The former was written by President Barack Obama; the latter featured him. So why did these two works affect me so, what do they have to do with my parenting, and why is this post going to be political?  For these, simple, reasons:

• I am a loving husband;
• I am the father of a daughter; and
• I am about to be the father of daughters.  

Let's start with the book. In it, Barack Obama speaks not as President, but rather, solely and specifically, as a father. He reminds his daughters how loved, special, intelligent, powerful, and inspiring they are and can be. It's a touching reminder of how a father should treat and view his daughters. And yes, it inspires me to be that kind of father for my daughter and her sister. Every father should be so inspired. We, as fathers, are the first, and most important, male role-model our daughters have and will likely ever have in their lives. We owe it to them, and to ourselves, to be the kind of fathers that nurture, teach, love and support these women we helped to create.

The Way I See It is a documentary from official White House photographer Pete Souza. I'll set aside the purposeful, political basis for the film, to some extent. For this blog entry, I'll focus on one subset of the feature. In the film, and throughout his time in the White House, Souza chronicled the behind-the-scenes moments of the Obama presidency. Among the moments we got to see thanks to President Obama and Souza were those tender, touching, compassionate, and empathetic moments of the Obama family, all together. Likewise we saw President Obama alone, cuddling his daughters on the couch, or holding them individually.

We saw family.

We saw a loving father.

And we saw the love his daughters offered him in return.

It moved me. To tears, if I'm being honest. Why? Because I am terrified of raising two daughters now. And by "now" I don't mean that I have one daughter and am scared of the notion of now raising two. No, I'm frightened of raising them now, during the times this country is currently facing. I'm saddened, and angry, and honestly I cannot even begin to fathom how any father of daughters could feel otherwise.

I'm putting you fathers of daughters that support Donald Trump to the test. At this moment. This is my challenge, one I already none of you will accept, but I'm presenting it to you just the same:

Sit your daughter down and play her the recorded footage of Trump encouraging men to "grab 'em by the pussy." Let your daughters hear him say in his own words "I did try to fuck her, she was married, I moved on her like a bitch."  Let them hear that, and then look into their eyes and tell them how you support that man.

Show them video of Trump continually disparaging women, calling them fat and dogs and pigs. Show them the photograph of Trump trying to kiss his own daughter with open lips. Show them that and explain to them how you support a man who treats women with such utter and unabashed disdain.

Sit them down and say "So Trump cheated on his wife with a porn star, and his former lawyer is literally in jail for using campaign finances to pay the porn star to keep quiet about it. But hey; if your future husband does that to you, don't sweat it! boys will be boys! It's all good!"   

Well, go on. Have that conversation with your daughter. Let me know how it goes.

But you won't. Because you won't have the courage to admit to your own daughter that you support a man who would treat them so poorly. You won't, because you'd have to admit your own complacency in such behavior, or worse, that you even support it.

I couldn't do it. Thankfully, I don't even have too. Because I respect my wife and my daughters too much to ever support a man who views my daughters in such a way.

So then tell me. Why? Why do you support him? Do you really have such little respect for your own wives and daughters? Do you honestly feel that the society he's trying to create is one that will be safe and nurturing for your daughters? And before you answer don't play the stereotypical Trump defense card of deflecting. Don't you dare give me that "Biden is a pedophile" bullshit because you saw pictures of him on the Internet being affectionate with children. We're not talking about Biden. We're talking about how a father of daughters can support Trump. And besides, in his forty-plus year political career Biden's never not once ever been accused, investigated, or reported for any such inappropriate behavior towards children. 

Trump. Is. Literally. On. TAPE.

So yeah, it frightens me that we live in a time in this country when so many brush such behavior under the rug as if it's in any way acceptable. As if the President of United States acting in such a way is even remotely appropriate.

It's. FUCKING. NOT.

The election is in two weeks and I hope and pray the result brings us back to a place where respecting women is a priority. Where I can sit down and point to the President of the United States and, with any luck, tell my daughters that there is a hopeful future for them.

Am I being overly dramatic?

These are my DAUGHTERS we're talking about.

So no, I am not. Fathers of daughters need to be far more dramatic about this, frankly. 

Regardless of what happens I will always strive to be the role model my daughters need and deserve. I will forever teach them that they are loved, valued, and respected, even if the President of our country refuses to do so, and continually demonstrates behavior to the contrary. If anything I'll be even more vigilant in ensuring that my daughters grow to be self-sufficient, able and strong in a world that would have them be otherwise.

I'm the husband of an amazing and accomplished woman.

I'm a dad of a daughter.

Soon, I'll be the father of two daughters.

And you goddamn better well believe I'm going to act like it.