Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0: Daughters, Soon
Okay, so, here's the thing….
(Oh bloody hell. What now?)
You shush. I was going to say that I'm sorry for the decidedly atypical and harsh tone of my last post. It's just that, well, the political climate of the last four years has made me a little hyper-sensitive when it comes to the women in my life. I don't regret that, either. I have a huge responsibility as a daughter-dad to do whatever I can to be the best, male role model she, and her soon-to-be-sister, will ever have. That can be a little overwhelming sometimes, and you know what happens when I bottle things like that up.
(Brain go POW!!!)
*squints menacingly*
I suppose I can't argue with that assessment. So yeah, that last blog post? Brain went pow. This one, however… let's get back to lighthearted and heartfelt, shall we?
(Am I gonna need coffee and tissues?)
Probably. Because today is, after all, Halloween. In a few short hours my betrothed and I will take Offspring 1.0 trick or treating. That in and of itself will be a bit bittersweet, as the evening will be shrouded in the shadow of the pandemic. Still… we've only lived in the neighborhood for a few months but have already come to love and embrace it. Our next door neighbors just welcomed a bambina of their own a couple weeks ago, another girl. It already brings me joy to know my youngest will literally have someone to share her journey of growth with from day one right next door. Likewise we have friends in the 'hood who have indicated that families are taking every precaution they can to ensure a safe but still fun Halloween for the slew of younglings that live in and around the area.
And while this will be the first time my oldest will truly understand and enjoy the experience, it's also be the last time we'll be trick or treating as a family of three. So you know what that means….
(Tears?)
What? No. Okay, probably, but it means I get to go all-out dad mode and dress up, too. And boy howdy are we doing it up.
(Lemme guess, Star Wars themed?)
Well, duh. Daughter already has her bBby Yoda costume good to go. Me, well, let's just say Baby Yoda's trick or treating escort will be none other than an Imperial TIE Fighter Pilot.
(You're…such a dork.)
Again, duh. Dork and proud. But I'm a dork that will get goofy if for no other reason than to enhance the experience for my child. Yes, she's only two, soon to be three in a little less than three months. But this will already be the last time she gets to do this without her baby sister joining her.
That thought hit me today. Kinda hard, if I'm being honest. Our lives have changed so much in the last three years. It's a lot to take as an adult. Now imaging the only world you've ever known in your short little life getting thrown into a frenzy with a sibling. I'll admit, there are times still I question whether having another was the right decision. Whether changing our family dynamic is wat's best for the family dynamic. Having a child is one of the hardest and most important decisions you will ever make. Having another? Equally important, and even harder. And here's the important thing to remember:
It's okay.
It's okay to question and think and second guess. T doesn't make you a bad parent or mean that you're going to love your second child any less than the first. It means you're human. You have emotions. Feelings. Reservations. Anticipation. Anxiety. Joy. Honestly if you don't run your mind through all of these during child expectancy I truly wonder whether parenting is for you. There is no question that first becoming a father of now, and now becoming a father of two children, daughters at that, has been the most emotionally affective experiences of my entire life.
And I wouldn't change a single thing. Okay, maybe I change changing so many diapers, because sweet bejeebus the substances and smells that come out of baby bums can blind you and peel paint.
(Hahahahaha…. Okay you're not wrong. We'll give you this one.)
See? You know what I'm talking about! Thankfully, Number 1 is nearing the end of the pull-up stage and, with any luck, we won't have to deal with dueling butt banjos.
(Dueling butt banj... seriously, there is something wrong with you.)
Again, you say this like you're surprised. The point is, I wouldn't change the change. Bringing another little girl into this world will be challenging, for sure. And with her will come a whole slew of challenges. How will we handle caring for two children three years old and under? How will be able to divide our love and attention? How, how, how. We can keep asking how until we're blue in the face. The honest answer is that we just… will. Because that's what parents do.
I'm going to be the dad of two daughters, possibly as soon as tomorrow.
(Wait, WHAT???)
Yea, so, about that whole due date thing? Well this time around the bun in the oven is a wee bit bigger than her predecessor. At this point she's pretty well fully baked, and momma needs this muffin out from twix'd her nethers.
(You… just paraphrased Kalyee from Firefly/Serenity, didn't you?)
Yup. Sure did.
(You are so weird.)
Yup. So am. And to be honest I hope my girls get every bit of my weirdness, and can wield it and shape it in their own individually ways to make them truly original, and unique. And I hope they get every bit of their mother, too, because that will make them kind, beautiful, and strong.
Yes, in anywhere from twenty-four to forty-eight hours from now, I will be double dad to daughters. It will simultaneously be the hardest, most wonderful, challenging, amazing, trying, awe-filled, and incredible thing I will ever do. Am I ready? Fuck no!
(Ha! Saw that coming.)
No one is every ready for the challenges that come with parenting multiple children and if they say they are, they're lying. And I don't know why. As I said above, it's okay. You don’t have to be perfect. There isn't a single parent out there that is. I am not afraid to admit that I haven't been a perfect parent to one child, nor will I be a perfect parent for two. But you damn well better believe I'm gonna try.
So, there you have it, folks. These are most likely the last words I'll ever post about parenting as the parent of a single child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, I'm going to be a dad of daughters, plural.
*insert uncontrollable grin here*
Thank you all for reading, sharing, and joining me on this adventure. I honestly don't know how much more I will, or will be able to write here on these pages once my daughter duo is firmly in place. Pandemic, work, side-job, parenting two children…. There's going to be a lot to occupy my time. So please forgive me if I don't continue to write a out my parenting experiences. The first time around everything was so new…. This time, it's going to be different in so many extraordinary ways. I may just have to step away from the keyboard and enjoy it.
My second daughter is on her way,
you see. In case you hadn't noticed.
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