Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0: Cribs, Chromosomes, and Canoodling
Soooooo remember last time when we discussed whether or not
I could handle two miniature human beings as a parent? And how we collectively decided
that yes, yes I could? Well, about that….
(Oh no. What happened?)
I'm glad you asked.
(WAIT! Never mind. We don't want' to know.)
Too late. I'm going to tell you anyway. Twice, within the last four days, offspring number one has had a meltdown. Not just a meltdown, mind you, but a meltdown of epic proportions. A meltdown of Trump on Twitter proportions. A meltdown of such proportions that my beloved first born was so inconsolable that neither mommy nor daddy nor mommy and daddy nor mommy and daddy and all the kings horses and all the kings men could put the humpty dumpty of her tiny little dilemma back together again.
There were tears. All around.
AND IT FUCKING SUCKED.
That right there is one of the those things that they don't tell you about that I'm telling you now. Sure it's funny to see memes of kids having meltdowns over the most trivial of things... until you're a parent having to deal with a child who's upset for no rational, reasonable, or apparent reason whatsoever. It stabs you through your heart and makes you feel like such a failure as a parent because there is nothing and I mean NOTHING you can do. Zip. Zero. Nada. And now we're going to have two pint size persons in our household in approximately ninety days.
*Screams*
Oops. That was supposed to be internal.
Can you love a second child as much as the first? Are you capable of caring for two children? Can you devote as much time as necessary to the second child while still ensuring you do nothing to damage the as-yet-not-fully developed emotional well-being of OG offspring?
Yes, of course.
And…
(And?)
And no. No. Don't kid yourself. There are and will be those times when you're going to do something wrong. Something stupid. You're going to raise your voice when you shouldn't. You're going to forget something. And there will be plenty of times when you simply don't have the energy to do what's needed. It's inevitable. Because you're only human.
(Are you sure you're hum—)
(YES GODDAMMIT WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.)
Point being: There's only so much you can do, and as guilty as you'll feel in the moment, that guilt will pass, you're child will forgive and forget, and you'll do better the next time. It's called, wait, what's the word?
(Parenting?)
Bingo.
We've had so much going on these past few months, my betrothed and I. But now that we're but three months away from having another child, we can, aside from the aforementioned meltdowns, generally breathe. We've sold the old house, moved into the new, and have settled in nicely. And for the first time in months we're finally beginning to focus on and actually enjoy the prospect of welcoming our new little person into our lives. Well, except for the "my wife is more than six months pregnant and her body is changing even more rapidly and daily and she's uncomfortable all time and I wish I could fix that but I can't" stuff. Because there's still that. But….
We have new crib sheets. We have some artwork. And the new crib will be delivered in a few weeks' time. Oh, don't forget the new onesies, too. There's this white one with tiny little colorful dinosaurs and the footies that look like little tiny dino paws complete with tiny soft dino claws…. Wait… Paws? Feet? What do you call dinosaurs' walkie-thingies? I've never really thought about that before….
(F-O-C-U-S….)
Anyway its really frickin cute. And I can't wait until my newborn s…unshine gets to wear it.
(S… Son??????)
Had you going there for a second, didn't I? Some reading this know what we're having, but most of you don't yet. It's not that we don't want to tell you, we just haven't been able to come up with the best way to do so. We'll give it some thought and get back to you. Will there be a teeny weenie? Or will it be girls galore? Find out next time on Guess that Chromosome!
(You suck.)
I know. But for the next couple of days at least, it's all about my beloved. Tomorrow is her birthday, you see, and she's done enough creating another being inside of her own. For tonight, tomorrow and Friday, the focus is on her. Come Saturday, though, she's having a sprinkle.
(A…. sprinkle?)
Apparently that's what you call a baby shower for a bonus kid. The first one gets a shower. The second gets a sprinkle. Which begs the question; what does a third child get? Drizzle?
(You're not right in the head.)
Nope. Would you have me any other way?
(*sigh* Sadly, no. We're never gonna give you up.)
And I'll never let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you, either.
(Wait, did you just use the parenthetical heckler for us to Rick-roll ourselves?)
Not bad, eh?
(Now you really suck.)
*snicker*
Until next time, folks. Now I'm gonna go canoodle my wife, snuggle my
daughter, and remind you that there's nothing more important than family.
For prior editions of The Ramblings of an Expectant Dad 2.0, click the links below:
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