The Perils of Perception

Perception is a wonderful thing. [Insert sarcasm here.] Some say perception is everything. I say perception is a bunch of, in the immortal words of the dearly departed Col. Potter, horse hockey.

 

(Oh boy…here we go.)

 

Yeah, you may wanna sit down and grab a drink or some more coffee for this one. Here's the thing – over the last several weeks there's been some things that have come up in my life that are all about perception. We rely so heavily on how we perceive things that we often overlook the substance of that which we're viewing and fail to appreciate it for what it is. My case in point has its basis in my recent home purchase. Having the benefit of an overlap between the closing on the house and the expiration of my lease, I have been able to take my time to personalize and paint my new home prior to moving my furniture and the remaining bulk of my belongings. Admittedly, shamelessly, proudly and yes, perhaps a bit narcissistically, I have been posting photographs of my progress to social media outlets.

 

(And people perceive you as having bad taste?)

 

I, what? No!

 

(*snicker*)

 

Snicker all you like. The fact of the matter is that just the opposite has happened; by and large everyone has complimented me on my choices. Here's where the perception issue comes into play – I have been asked multiple times things such as "who helped you pick that out" or "did you have help" or "did you get that out of a magazine?" Worse – "who did the work for you?"

 

*gives stink-eye*

 

No, you sons-of-nutcrackers, I did not have help. I did not need to turn to a magazine. I picked out the colors. I created the color scheme. I choose the drapes, the blinds, the furniture and the placement and arrangement thereof simply by closing my eyes and imagining. I didn't need assistance, I needed imagination, and nothing more. But the perception, by and large, is that as a man I am incapable of performing these tasks without someone, i.e. a woman, holding my hand.

 

(Gender bias fits a little differently on the other foot, doesn't it?)

 

Frankly, it doesn't fit either foot for me. Those that know me well know that gender bias is something I generally don't keep in behavioral vault. Most women I know and with whom I associate are in many cases more capable than most of the men I know, whether they are gear-heads, farm-hands, or kick-ass parents. I like to think I recognize it, applaud it, and appreciate it when I see it. And let's face it, a woman who wrenches? *swoon*

 

Now admittedly some of those comments about my decorating skills came in jest, but honestly it was a little disappointing to have been asked so many times who had helped me.

 

(Well, you are a lawyer, and most lawyers pay people to do that kind of stuff….)

 

And therein lies the problem. Yes, I'm a lawyer by day. But I'm not one of those prissy lawyers who gets manicures and couldn't tell the difference between an electrical socket and an eye socket. I grew up with a shop teacher for a father and creative mother with an eye for design. I learned how to do plumbing, electrical, construction and automotive work, and how to dress it all up when I was done. Over the years I like to think I've honed those skills. And you know what? Damn it, I'm good enough at it –

 

(And you're smart enough? And doggone it, people like you?)

 

Stuff it, Stuart Smalley. My point is that because someone is good at something that, stereotypically one wouldn't imagine they'd be good at, we shouldn't automatically assume that they're incapable of accomplishing the feat on their own.

 

I have female friends in predominately male-dominated industries that suffer the fate far worse than I, that's for sure. It pains me that in this day and age a woman is still perceived to be less worthy at something, like selling cars, working on a farm, or working in a professional office. In all honestly I think men are intimidated, and it's less a perception in many instances than it is the product of inherent male insecurity. Let's face it, men are conditioned to perceive women as the lesser of the genders. Call a spade a spade, it is what it is. Granted, those of us with respectable and responsible parents were taught better, and those of us that are respectable and responsible parents are teaching better. Nevertheless, the notion of perceived and perpetuated gender inequality exists to such a pervasive extent that it still dominates our reality.

 

(All true… and appreciated… but where is this coming from?)

 

I don't know. This is the kind of stuff that fills my head at three o'clock in the morning. I mean, Can't you see that it's late at night? I'm very tired, and I'm not feeling right.

 

(All I wish is to be alone…Stay away, don't you invade my h…GODDAMMIT!!!!)

 

*gigglesnort*

 

I mean really, who can it be now, in this day and age, that thinks a woman can't sell a car or hoist a hay bale, or that a man can't pick out paint colors and arrange furniture by himself?

 

(A straight or gay man?)

 

See??? This is the kind of crap that angers me. What difference does it make whether I'm straight or gay???

 

(Um, well, I'm your imagined, parenthetical reader-response, so I'm guessing you threw that in there to illustrate the point?)

 

Oh, right. Sorry. Got a little fired up there for a second. Anywhoos… We need to stop perceiving and start seeing. Because you know what? I have damn good taste. And her? She won't bullsh*t you or try to oversell you on your car/computer/bike/whatever she's selling. She'll get you a good deal and get you what you need because that's what she does. And she's g*ddamn good at it. And that one over there with the barn and the horses? Dude, she will work that farm all day and then make dinner while you're whining about your sore back. And yet you perceived her to be weaker. Kind of makes you wonder how others perceive you in your shortsightedness, doesn't it?

 

(I, um, er….)

 

That's what I thought you'd say. Ponder this for a bit, will you? Things aren't always what they seem. Don't just perceive. Observe. See. And then talk to me. Oh, and you know where to find me if you need help picking out paint colors.

 

 

 

© 2015 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.