Cynicism and De-Motivation

If there's something negative in your life, remove it! Do what makes you happy! If you smile, the world smiles with you!

 

*blink blink*

 

coughcoughbullshitcoughcough.

 

(Who peed in your oatmeal this morning? Wait, it's Monday. Never mind. Carry on.)

 

Believe it or not, I'm not actually in a bad mood. In fact, for a Monday, I'm downright jovial by my usual Monday standards. I was able to close on my new home and got a ton of painting done over the weekend. I'm taking yet another step forward to reclaim my life and make it my own once more. And things are, dare I say, good.

 

(So, what's with the coughcough stuff up there?)

 

Here's the thing - I am blessed beyond compare to have so many wonderful, and wonderfully positive people in my life. I'm thankful for them every single day, and I don't know what I'd do without them. There are those times though, when I see the positive, inspiring and motivation posts on Facebook, and I cannot help but think to myself just how fanciful and unrealistic those posts really are.

 

(Well alrighty then, Debbie Downer.)

 

I'm not a Debbie Downer. I'm realistic. Look, take the first notion I mention – removing negativity from your life. It's an astounding concept in theory, however practical application in many instances is an impossibility. We have jobs with negative co-workers. We have asshats for ex-spouses with whom we must deal and/or whom we share children. We have sickness, death, the New England Patriots, accidents and a plethora of other outside forces raining negativity down on us on a daily basis. Would I love to remove the negative things in my life? Absolutely. Am I really able to? Not so much. The fact remains that a lot of what affects us is so far beyond our control that the notion of simply removing it, and motivation posters telling us to do so, often amount to little more than a cruel reminder that we cannot.

 

(You are a dark, dark person sometimes.)

 

I know. Perhaps I'm the product of my own cynicism, but I've had to deal with too much to be anything but cynical. Trust me, would I love to do what makes me happy? Certainly I would. If I could make a living writing, I'd pack my office in a heartbeat. But that's not the hand of reality I've been dealt. I like what I do, don't get me wrong. Does it make me happy? Meh. To the extent I am able to afford to do things that make me happy, I suppose it does, which goes to beg the other question of whether money really can buy happiness. That's a discussion for another time, but on that topic I likely fall into the minority in believing that yes, yes it can.

 

(That's a bit materialistic….)

 

No, it's really not. Let me touch briefly on that topic. You're overworked. Stressed. At your wit's end. If you don't get away from your desk, your job, your whatever, just for a short while, you'll be overcome with anxiety to the point that you'll feel as if the entire world is crashing down on you. So you take a vacation. You go somewhere warm, you sit on a beach and sip fruity drinks, and you relax. You recharge. You ground yourself, you loosen up, and you feel happy. You return to work, to your life, ready to take on the world. And how did you get to that point? How did you find that happiness?

 

(Groupon?)

 

*gives evil eye*

 

(Money. Ok, I see your point.)

 

Exactly. You had to pay for the privilege of experiencing all of those things. Granted there are many things that can cause spontaneous happiness that don't cost a dime, like children's laughter, the welcome home wiggles your dog displays when you walk in the door, or looking in that special someone's eyes and seeing the manifestation of love they express. No, money cannot buy that kind of happiness, but money did buy me Jeep, and that makes me happy, so… I suppose the debate remains open there.

 

My point is that there are those things you can't change, and motivational posters, posts and memes that suggest you can only set us up for failure. The ones that I find most encouraging are those that remind us that while we don't have the power to change something, we do have within us the ability to alter the means by which we deal with or address it. If someone insults you, remind yourself that the other person most likely has such low self-esteem that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to put down others. If you have a spouse or ex-spouse that questions your worth, remind yourself that your worth is measured in far greater units than their opinion. And though you may not be able to remove that negativity entirely, as there will be property settlements and child support and other issues to deal with, it is wholly within your control to react, not react, or otherwise find a way to acknowledge the ill that affects you in such a way that it doesn't control or consume you.

 

(Dammit. I hate it when you make sense.)

 

No you don't. Because if you're agreeing with me, it means that there is someone else out there who thinks like you do, who gets it. It's great to share a laugh and a smile, or to laugh at me for whatever nonsense I'm spewing this time, but deep down there's something therapeutic in knowing you share a connection with someone else out there, even if we don't know each other well or have never met. I've posted here before to remind you that you're not alone. And as egotistical as it may be, I think one of the reasons you keep coming back to read this nonsense is that very fact; you're not alone. I'm not alone. We're all not alone together! And there was much rejoicing!

 

(yay… *waves little flag*)

 

See? You got my Monty Python reference. And I know that there are those of you that did, in fact, say "yay" out loud in a Python-esque manner, and now you're grinning because you know that I'm right.

 

(How do you do that??)

 

It's a gift. Because I get it, and you know it. Just like you know I'm never going to give you up, never going to let you down.

 

(Never going to run around and hurt… YOU. SON. OF. A…. YOU RICK-ROLLED US!)

 

Again, actually. *snicker*

 

(You're a right bastard, you are.)

 

Hey now! Come on, turn that frown upside down! Because you can't wipe away the fact that I just rolled you. So change how you deal with it. You know you wanna sing it. Let it out. Let it go. Let it go….

 

(No, no, nope no no. Not falling for that shennaniganery there, Elsa.)

 

See what you did there? You just changed the way you dealt with something. You took control. And you didn't let it affect you.

 

(Hey, you're right! That's, well, that's kinda cool.)

 

See? Some things you can indeed control. Rick Astley, however? Don't get your hopes up.

 

 

© 2015 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.