Waitin' on a Reason

Do you ever profess to hold fast to an ideal, yet stop and think that the ideal to which you're beholden may in fact be a falsity, thus causing your faith in such ideal to falter to the point you believe yourself to be hypocritical for professing said ideal when you're no longer firmly entrenched in your belief in the same?

(I…. Did you not sleep last night?)

Not really. 

(Sonofabitch. *sigh* Ok then… can you say that again, but this time say it in normal people talk?)

Sure. Try this: You tell people that patience is a virtue and that good things come to those who wait. But then you wait and wait and wait for something and get so impatient that you boil with indignant rage until all you want to do is just pop the sh*t out of yards and yards of bubble wrap and hopefully annoy people in the process.

(Ok… I think I understand what you're saying… and you really should consider therapy, or Pilates or something.)

I know. Perhaps this will simplify things even further:

Dark Helmet: When will then be now???

Col. Sanders: Soon!

(Next time, start with Spaceballs.)

Duly noted. So here's the thing – I know I always say that everything happens for reason. That there is some greater cosmic plan and that someday I'll be right where I need to be, but there's a reason that I'm where I am right now, figuratively. I may not know the reason, but there is one, and I should trust in the fact that eventually all of this happening for a reason will lead me to where I want to be.

HOWEVER….  Lately I'm falling more in line with the philosophy of "I don't care that there's a reason, the reason blows, I'm tired of this nonsense, let's get this show on the road already."

When will then be now????

(Um, soon?)

NOT SOON ENOUGH!!!!

(Eek. Ok, I see we're now into the over-caffeinated portion of our program….)

A lil bit, yeah. Anywhoos… There's something I want. Frankly I think I deserve it. It's something I've long desired, and something that for all intents and purposes I should be able to have.

(iPhone 6?)

I already have that. 

(Of course you do.)

You be quiet! No, it's nothing physical. Well I guess it could have a physical aspect to it. What I mean to say is that it's not a tangible thing. But it's there. I know it's there. And I want it. And I want it all. And I want it now.

(Isn't that a Queen song?)

Yup. Wait for it…

(Adventure seeker on an empty street, just an ally creeper…. Goddamn it I hate you.)

I know. It's just that I'm tired. Not just tired of waiting, but tired.  Always. Emotionally drained. And what I'm asking for isn't much, really. It's a simple thing, that so many have. Why can't I?

(Everything happens for a reason….)

Grrrr. I know. I know it does. But once, just once, I'd like to know why. Give me something. Throw me a bone. I'm growing oh so weary of living in the dark. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if I were able to say "Oh, that's why? And I only have to wait a little while longer?" I could deal with that. But waiting on a reason….

(Are you ok?)

I will be. I just have a headache. I'm just tired of waiting. I'm just a lot of things. I'm just a bill….

(Sittin' on Capitol Hil…. Seriously I f*cking hate you right now…. With the earworms….)

Oh shut your pie hole. Everybody loves School House Rock.

(*giving you the evil eye*)

Bring it. It can't be worse than wondering about reasons, trying to reason…

(…with hurricane seas… WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF????)

But everything happens for a reason! And giving you earworms gives me warmsies and fuzzies. But fine, I'll stop. As long as you collaborate and listen.

(Ice is back and… I swear to sweet Jesus I am going to hurt you.)

You gotta catch me first. Look, I'll acquiesce. Everything happens for a reason. Events in my life. Injuries. Heartache. Death. Even laughter. There's a little something driving it all. I get it. But it sure would be nice, even if only once in a while, to know the reasons why. Until then, I'll just keep writing nonsense here and earworming you from time to time.

(Because???) 

Everything happens for a reason. 

© 2014 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.