Thank You. No, Thank YOU.

So, here’s the thing – This week social media is going to be inundated with tweets, pictures, updates and posts declaring how thankful everyone is for [insert thing for which you’re thankful here]. By and large these gracious messages of thanksgiving will center on one of the following subjects; family; friends; employment; pets; and/or general well-being. Now, I’m not saying that I’m not thankful for all of those things, because I am, truly. I’m also fairly certain that as the week progresses I too will find myself guilty of posting such grateful sentiment. Today, however, I thought I’d take a few moments to express my gratitude for some other things, those silly, stupid, irreverent things that make up our lives and which we generally take for granted.

(This ought to be interesting….)

I think it just might be interesting. And no, to answer the question you’re likely going to ask a little later in this writing, no, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

(Oh boy….)

What are these things for which I’m thankful, you ask? Let’s start with this: Sarcasm. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. Well, not right now, anyway. Let’s face it – sarcasm is the cornerstone of my wit. While I’m certain there are times my sarcasm may be misplaced, by and large it serves a much higher purpose; it keeps me sane.

(That not getting a lot of sleep thing? Yeah, that.)

If you think I’m crazy now, imagine how I’d be if I wasn’t able to deflect pain or anger with sarcasm. Imagine how much less enjoyable this blog would be if I wasn’t quipping here and there about Keanu Reeves or the Not-A-Cherokee, or making fun of male RAV4 drivers. Think for a moment, if you will, how the effects of two divorces, the loss of friends and colleagues too soon, and the general state of my beloved Buffalo sports teams would otherwise affect me if I couldn’t wax sarcastic about the whole lot of it. Kind of a scary thought, isn’t it? Trust me, as much as I’m thankful for my sarcasm, so too should you be. I might be a very different person otherwise.

(Like, homicidal?)

I was thinking more along the lines of depressed and dull, but gee, thanks for the vote of confidence that I wouldn’t become a serial killer.

(Sarcasm?)

What gave it away? Anywhoos, speaking of homicidal, I’m also grateful for Netflix.

(Netflix keeps you from killing people?)

No! I mean, Well, I’m not killing anyone! Stop that! What I mean is I’m thankful for Netflix because, for the low, low price of $7.99 per month, I’m able to catch up on some excellent television programming that I might not have otherwise seen, or been able to see so inexpensively. Thanks to Netflix I was able to watch the entire series of Breaking Bad, catch up to the current season of Sons of Anarchy, and am now two seasons into Dexter. I swear it’s just a coincidence that all three programs feature a central theme of murder and/or mayhem. I’m really a pleasant person, I swear.

(Uh huh.)

You be quiet. The fact is that these shows exhibit some of the best writing on television in recent years, and Netflix saves me the expense of buying entire series on disc. If it makes you feel better though, I’ve also been known to binge watch episodes of Amazing Stories from the 80’s. If you’ve never seen the episode entitled Mummy Daddy, let me enlighten you; that singular episode of prime time television remains one of the funniest instances of mass entertainment I have ever seen. Courtesy of Netflix, I can watch it over and over again at my leisure.

(You are easily amused.)

You have no idea. Take stupid people, for example. I may or may not have actually thanked the Big Guy in the sky for the existence of stupid people on one or more occasions. Stupid people make the world go ‘round. They entertain us on a daily basis, providing fodder for Internet memes and other stories that make us realize that we, or at least I am not nearly as think as I dumb I am. One of my favorite recurring themes is the “you had one job” series of inanity, such as the road painter that spelled school “SHCOOL” or the Walmart worker that hangs a “Passover Special!” sign above the spiral hams. Or the epic, parenting fail I saw on vacation wherein a “parent” had adorned his three-year-old child with a hat that read, and in the immortal words of Dave Barry I swear I am not making this up, “DRUNKEN.” All you can do is shake your head and laugh. Or, in the case of dad-of-the-year, publicly shame him by posting a picture of the child on the Interwebs. Don’t worry; I didn’t get the kid’s face, because in classy fashion the kid had the hat on backwards. 

(I really do worry about you sometimes.)

I know. I get that a lot. Maybe this will assuage your concern – I’m so eternally grateful for my own creativity. Some might read that and think I’m bragging or arrogant. I assure you I’m not. You only need to read these pages to know that I possess a great deal of creativity. It may not always be to your liking, and more often than not make you scratch your head and wonder just what medication I’m taking or, in the alternative, should be taking. Whatever your thoughts, I can’t help but be thankful that I have a mind that comes up with some seriously interesting stuff sometimes. It helps me maintain a semblance of emotional stability, by allowing me to channel my emotion into words. It helps me to relate to you, my readers, on a much more intimate level. It allows me to be myself, express myself, in ways that not many others can. Call it a talent, a curse, a gift, or simply a vivid imagination, but I’d be lost without the voices in my head screaming to be set free. How else could I write songs, poetry, short stories and novels, and even a little erotica, without some kind of innate creativity bubbling below the surface?

(Speaking of the erotica, when do we get to see that?)

Perverts. 

(Wait? Me? No! I um, er… I’m asking for a friend. *whistling*)

Right. And once I was the king of Spain.

(And now you vacuum the turf at Skydome… Sonofabitch. You just Moxy Fruvoused me.)

Yup, I sure did. And that leads me to my last thanks of the day, for Canada. Canada’s very existence has brought me hockey; Tim Horton’s; Great Big Sea and the Tragically Hip; the cinematic masterpiece that is Men with Brooms; the geographic closeness of the nearest IKEA and Swiss Chalet; a way cooler venue from which to view Niagara Falls; and a system of currency that will forever make me chuckle every time it’s mentioned.

(The looney. *snicker*)

See? Canada rocks. 

(But Justin Bieber is Canadian.)

*sigh* I guess not even Canada can be perfect. O, Canada…

(Our home and native la… seriously? Seriously?? You earwormed me with a national anthem.)

Just be thankful it wasn’t something else. Like…

(OKAY, okay….)

On that note… *snicker* get it? Note? You were just singing O’ Canada… *ahem* I may not post again before Thursday, so…. Thank you. For reading. For staying with me these past few years as I babble and ramble on. For being the friends, family and supporters you’ve been. It means so much to me that I can share myself with you the way in which I do. Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday, stay safe, and be thankful for the little things you might otherwise take for granted.

*gobble gobble*

© 2014 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.