Daylight Savings, Politicians and Other Useless Things

I would like to meet those responsible for scheduling ye ol' falling back of the daylight savings within two days of Election Day and lock them in a room where they're forced to watch political ads on an endless loop. Not that such a fate would be any different from that we've all been suffering for the last several days. Because let's face it – When I'm tired and cranky as the result of an utterly useless and archaic practice of changing the time, all I want to do is watch political ads interspersed with mediocre network programming. 

(I'm sensing… sarcasm.)

You think???? One needs only to exist from November 2^nd to November 4^th to realize that there are a lot of useless things, events, activities and people that permeate our lives. Daylight Savings time, for example. If memory serves me correctly, the notion was originally implemented to allow farmers extra daylight time in which to perform their farmerly duties. Of course, this came about during the time prior to automation, farming machinery and, wait, what are those things called, the ones that make it brighty during the nighty? Oh, right, headlights. Now I know some will argue that the Amish and other farming folk don't have the advantage of such technological advancement. My response to that is… And your point would be, what, exactly? The simplest solution is to keep daylight savings hours at daylight savings hours and not change it at all! There's an old proverb written by someone whom I don't know and who is likely dead and can't sue me for copyright infringement for repeating said proverb anyway, but it goes sort of kind of thusly: Only a fool would think that you could cut a foot off the top and sew it onto the bottom and have a longer blanket. And if you disagree with me then you can feel free to spend the night when we fall back and get up at 5:30 am to walk my dog, whose simple canine mind comprehends daylight savings about as much as it comprehends the fact that I hid the treat in the other hand. OMGOMGOMG the human made the treat disappear!!!! Wait… THERE IT IS!!! OMG THAT'S AMAZING!!!! 

(Hehehehe that never gets old.)

And then there's the politics. Warning: this will be the unpopular portion of the program.

(Rot roh, Raggy….)

Well said, Scooby. Politicians are useless. As are the myriad of political advertisements with which we are inundated in the days preceding an election. So much negativity. So much misdirection, and yes, so much lying. When those ads quote a major newspaper as "authority" to show that so-and-so is a crook/cheat/liar/baby-hater/kicker-of-puppies, they are by and large, quoting from the op-ed page, NOT the newspaper itself. It's. all. BULLSH*T. And if you are one of those people swayed by any kind of political advertisement whatsoever, here's your tin foil hat. Go sit in the corner and stay the hell away from the voting booth.

If we've learned nothing from politics over the last twenty to thirty years, we've learned this – It doesn't matter what party is in power. It doesn't. Not one bit. For every great thing an administration does, the pundits will point out eleventeen things it has done wrong. Republican or Democrat, they all suck rocks. Big, hot hairy rocks.

(Big, hot hairy…????) 

The point is that they will all ultimately accomplish the same exact thing, within the same margin of error, and the end results aren't going to be different regardless of the party in power. Haters gonna be hatin', Lovers gonna be lovin'. Nixon? He was a crook, but a crook who signed into law the most sweeping environmental legislation in history with an eye towards protecting our planet's future. People hated Clinton, yet our nation saw unprecedented prosperity under his watch. People hated Reagan, yet our nation's foreign policy was top notch while Nancy was just saying no. Bush? Enter the idiot boy king whose administration was run by his father's cronies. Obama? I promise you, he's the liberal promiser of promising to make promises. My point is that It. Doesn't. Matter.  I know this is a cynical and jaded view of our governmental operation, but it's true. I understand and appreciate everyone's political zeal and dedication for and to their party, but you're deluding yourselves if you think your candidate truly has anything in mind other than political gain and the next election. I hate that I've come to this conclusion, but until a politician on either side of the aisle rises to show me otherwise… I will continue to write in Huckleberry Hound for the highest office on the ballot. He can't do any worse, and he's not real.

(What do you mean Huckleberry Hound isn't real???)

I… moving on…. Can someone explain the purpose of decaffeinated coffee?

*crickets*

That's what I thought. Utterly purposeless. Like the pins that hold together a new dress shirt. Just… why? To hold it together to, what, prevent it from wrinkling during shipping? It's going to be creased and need ironing anyway! But by all means let us poke holes in a brand new garment and risk the end purchaser poking a thumb and then bleeding on the new shirt before it's ever worn. Brilliant packaging, really.

(Is this the kind of stuff that keeps you up at night?)

Sometimes. A lot of the time though it's more work stress, woman stress, stress stress, and why Hershey Kisses are called kisses when in fact they resemble little tiny piles of poo.

(I really, truly, worry about you sometimes.)

I appreciate that. Then again, worrying is one of those other useless endeavors. Worry offers no result. It will neither alter the future nor amend the past, and serves only to ruin the present. So… wait for it…

(Oh dear cripes, please don't….)

Wait for it…

(I'm not listening… lalalalalala)

Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note….

(Don't worry, be hap… Why? Why why why do you do this to me?)

Because you let me. 

(Touché, pussycat.)

With that… Huckleberry Hound for President!!! Hound/Droopy '16.

© 2014 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.