J.J. Goodman: Writings, Musings and More

Do you ever just want to run away? (Um, like every day….) I mean seriously run away. Buy a plane ticket, pack a bag, and get the f*** outta Dodge. Just go, and not look back. I do. I think about it all the time. Then that pesky "job" and "responsibility" and "extradition" stuff gets in the way. And so I sit here, underutilizing my paid time off and over analyzing my life and wondering why the hell I don't just run away. (Sounds like a vicious cycle.) You have no idea.  (Wait, haven't we had this discussion before?) You're very astute. Yes, yes we have. We tackled this very subject back in April, as a matter of fact. However, the issue warrants revisiting because apparently I am incapable of heeding my own advice. That vacation time I took in May? Used up a portion of my carry-over time from last year. As it stands now, a day away from Halloween, I have all but a scant ten hours of my paid time off still remaining for th...

Have you ever been overcome with melancholy? Dante had. He attributed his misery to his moniker, blaming his parents for naming him after the woeful hero of the  Divine Comedy . On most days, however, he likened himself more to the self-loathing protagonist from the film  Clerks . In any event, Dante was unhappy. Mired in his own personal misery, he found little solace even in the happiest of things. His life really wasn't that bad – he had a steady job, a close group of friends, and family all around him. Decidedly dejected and depressed, however, Dante couldn't see any of the brightness that illuminated his life. He'd tried therapy and medication, both of which had worked for a while. The while was short, though, and soon he returned to his despondent nature with aplomb. Hail fell wickedly outside, fitting for a late October storm. Though the room was brightly lit, the lightning that struck outside cast eerily dancing shadows across the walls. Dante ignored them. In...

Well, it wasn't the Super Bowl, but yesterday I was lucky enough to witness my beloved Buffalo Bills beat the Minnesota Vikings in dramatic, last second fashion. That the Bills scored the winning touchdown right in front of my section, a scant twenty-six rows and a few feet in front of me, was in better. I mention this because A) reveling in a Bills win is a luxury in which I don’t get to engage too often; 2) that I got to do it in person was just buckets full of awesomesauce; and C) attending the game in person allowed me to engage in one of my other favorite activities: people watching. There are few venues better suited for good people watching than professional sports stadiums and airports. Ralph Wilson Stadium?  Whoa nelly. Here's what I observed. 1.  Zubaz pants are back with a vengeance, and I must ask for the love of sweet bejeebus why? Those things are horrid. They weren't cool in the 80's, they're not cool now. And don’t even try to claim that their r...

[Editor's note: We've picked up a number of new readers lately, so it's probably time to offer a refresher course on the Parenthetical Heckler. When I first started writing here, readers/friends would write to me and crack wise, telling me I was crazy, asking where this stuff comes from, chastising me for getting songs stuck in there head… After a while, I could hear their voices in my head as I typed, and began inserting my imagining of my readers' responses right into the body of the work… Hence, the Parenthetical Heckler was born. It's a simple device I use to keep a narrative going and, from what I understand, most times my notion of the readers' thoughts is pretty spot-on. So there you have it. I'm only kinda sorta not really talking to myself.] (We get it. Can we get on with it now?) See what I mean? I knew some of you were thinking that just now. (*tapping foot*) Alright. Jeez. So here are some more random thoughts: Some things are j...

What did the boy ghost say to compliment the girl ghost? (Of for the love of… I can't believe I'm going to play along with this. What did he say?) You're bootiful!  (*smacks head*) Aww come on! That was funny and cute. You can even share it with your kids. (Punchy today, are we?) A little bit, yeah. I even slept well last night, too. I don't know. It just popped in my head. Probably because we're seeing Halloween paraphernalia everywhere… and will continue to see it everywhere for the next couple of weeks.  As we approach All Hallow's Eve, I thought it'd be fun to discuss some of my favorite aspects of the holiday. Because why not? (Do we get candy out of this at least?) Nice lead-in! First and foremost, there's the candy. Little, individually wrapped, diabetic-ly devilish, excitability-enhancing morsels of sugary goodness. For free!!! Or, as I like to call it, $12.99 for a six pound bag at BJ's, only half of which...

Do you ever profess to hold fast to an ideal, yet stop and think that the ideal to which you're beholden may in fact be a falsity, thus causing your faith in such ideal to falter to the point you believe yourself to be hypocritical for professing said ideal when you're no longer firmly entrenched in your belief in the same? (I…. Did you not sleep last night?) Not really.  (Sonofabitch. *sigh* Ok then… can you say that again, but this time say it in normal people talk?) Sure. Try this: You tell people that patience is a virtue and that good things come to those who wait. But then you wait and wait and wait for something and get so impatient that you boil with indignant rage until all you want to do is just pop the sh*t out of yards and yards of bubble wrap and hopefully annoy people in the process. (Ok… I think I understand what you're saying… and you really should consider therapy, or Pilates or something.) I know. Perhaps this will simplify things ...