I'm Not Sorry

The phrase "I'm sorry" should be banished from the English language.

(I can't believe I'm going to ask this, but why?)

I'm glad you asked, parenthetical manifestation of my imagining the response of my readers!

(Yeah, yeah…)

We have collectively created a litigious society, which in turn has rendered us an overly apologetic people, all because of the irrational angst associated with misguided repercussion.  We've become so debilitated by our desire for acceptance, fear of rejection, and general dread of reply that we'd rather apologize and diffuse a situation than stand our ground and be firm in our conviction.

(I… Son of a bitch. You're making sense again. We've talked about this.)

I know, it makes me itch too. Anywhoos…. Now granted, if you bump into someone, by all means apologize. If you forget to do something, yeah, perhaps you should be apologetic. But for the love of sweet bejeebus, stop apologizing for simply being you, speaking your mind, dressing a certain way, or whatever it is you're doing/saying/wearing that is causing some oversensitive twit some overblown and misplaced offense.

(Preach it, sister!)

Right? Seriously… Here's a fine example – I wore a T-Shirt the other day, one of several, similar T-Shirts I own, that features a Word War II style pin-up girl. There is no nudity whatsoever, and the designs are taken straight from the noses of the great bomber aircraft that filled the skies over Europe from 1942-1945. Personally, I don't find anything distasteful about them. Some snooty (snotty?) old bat at Target yesterday, however, muttered under her breath as I walked by "I can't believe someone would wear that smut in public!"

(Seriously? I… Wow.)

Exactly. A) It wasn't the least bit smutty. 2) Who appointed you fashion police? And C) I'm not going to apologize because of your oversensitive sense of righteousness. I mean seriously. It's a T-SHIRT. If it offends you, stop staring at me! 

As the old saying goes, you can't please all the people all the time. So stop trying. Stop. Apologizing. The mere fact that someone else doesn't approve should be no means dictate your behavior. 

(Unless you're kicking a puppy or something.)

Well, that's illegal, for one thing.

(Touché, pussycat.)

But you get the idea. So, here is a list of things for which I wholeheartedly refuse to apologize.

1. My pin-up T-Shirts. They pay homage to the brave souls that flew over Europe and in the South Pacific in an effort to end a war into which we were involuntarily dragged. I have models of WW  II bombers in my office, I wear their markings on my T-Shirts. I do not care if it offends you. Frankly, if you're offended, you're un-American. So go home, comrade, and leave me and my casual wear alone.

2. The fact that I eat meat. Now, I have friends that are vegetarian. Though they may not agree with my digestive inclinations, they nonetheless respect my decision, as I respect theirs. Others have tried to convert me and have gone so far as to say that meat is murder. Well, you know what? Murder it may be, but it's tasty, tasty murder. I like a nice, juicy, medium-rare sirloin. I sop up the juice with pieces of my baked potato covered in sour cream, cheese, and *gasp* bacon. You have a problem with that? Tough tooties. I don't care. And besides… plants are living things. Every time you stuff that arugula in your face you're eating deceased organic material. Plants are people too!

3. I love Star Wars. Call me a geek, call me a nerd, I don't care. I remember waiting in line around the side of the building as a four year old to see Star Wars at the old Lowes Theatre in my hometown (which, incidentally, is now a women's gym.) I love the characters, the story, everything about it. Now keep in mind we're talking the original trilogy, not the more recent CGI nonsense. For THAT George Lucas owes an apology…. I am indeed a grown man, and I make no apology for loving something that was such a part of my childhood, and continues to be a welcome part of my life. Does that make me childish or adolescent? Ask me if I care.

4. Driving a Jeep Wrangler. Does it get sh*tty gas mileage? You betcha. Does it cost me more money than it should? Absolutely. Would I trade it for anything? Hell. No. As those e-cards and memes that float around the interwebs say, no one is ever going to say "remember the time the car got 42 mpg?" Will we remember the time we drove down Lake Road screaming out country songs on the way back from the martini bar, the wind in our faces, the amber glow of the setting sun? Oh yeah.  

And lastly….

5.  For being me. I'm quirky. I'm sarcastic. I'm cynical. I say things some don't agree with. I joke, probably at inappropriate times, on occasion. I dress as I please, I shave when I feel like it, and sometimes I eat bacon for breakfast. Just bacon. Because I can. Should I be sorry for that? Some would say yes. To those people I say this:

I'm not sorry.

I don't apologize.

And I am certainly not going to stop doing/saying/wearing/being because it bothers you. I'm not you, you're not me. If you choose not to be like me, that's your choice. Don't begrudge me my choices in being me. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put on my pin-up shirt, grab me this bag o' bacon jerky, go for a ride in my Jeep, and maybe even turn up my music really loudly. Does that bother you?

Tough.

© 2014. J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.