Fate, and Friendships

(For my friends.)

A group of friends, some of whom hadn't seen each other in two decades, get together to share a house while attending their twentieth reunion. Sounds like the plot for my next book, right?

It could be, but no. That, dear readers, was exactly what happened this past weekend. You're all aware that, while writing is my dream job, lawyering is my actual day job. Though it's hard to admit, I have been at this now for twenty years. I graduated from law school in 1999, and did so with an amazing group of people that I am still blessed to call friends all these years later.

The original classroom building at my law school. 

We all arrived to a sleepy little New England town in 1996 with aspirations of becoming lawyers. We knew it would be a long and difficult journey over the three years we'd spend there. I don't think any of us could have ever anticipated what our time there would have in store for us, however, as individuals or as the group of friends we'd become. Perhaps our physical proximity made our friendship inevitable… but no. There was something else. Something much deeper and more meaningful. It wasn't just that we became friends. It's almost as if fate wouldn't allow us otherwise.

Generally, human beings tend to surround themselves with other, like-minded individuals. We're social in nature and desire to spend our time with those similar to us. When you start combining personalities together, however, no matter how like-minded you are, differences appear and, sadly, can often drive apart those that find themselves thrust together. That never happened. For whatever reason, divine or otherwise, even our differences made us stronger as friends. I can honestly say that there have been few instances in my life when I have forged bonds as strong as those that grew during law school.

Several states, differing backgrounds, you name it; there were plenty of things that set us all apart. None of it mattered. What mattered was the fact that we'd met, and immediately connected. We appreciated in one another the people we each were, idiosyncrasies and all. I will never be adequately able to explain just how we all came together, or why, other than to say that I think we needed to. It's not that we needed to simply make friends in law school, mind you. When I say we needed to, I truly believe that this particular group of friends needed to form. Of course I can only speak for myself, but I have no doubt that each one of us found something in our collective friendship that we'd not have found, nor likely could ever find, anywhere, or with anyone else.

The view from from our home for the weekend. 

Stepping into the rented house this weekend and embracing my friends for the first time in so long was nearly overwhelming. Seeing their faces, feeling their touch for the first time in years, triggered wave after wave of emotion. Communicating via text or Facebook is one thing, and the ability to connect through social media is something for which I am thankful. But looking into your friends' eyes, face to face, hugging them, hearing their voices first-hand… There is not, nor will there ever be, a substitute for that feeling.

Similarly, wandering around the campus and the town where we'd all spent so much time together, and doing it together twenty years later, brought so many memories rushing back with vivid lucidity. There was the house where most of us had met. Over there? That's the bar where one friend serenaded the rest of us with a rousing rendition of Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days. I don't think any of us could appreciate the irony of that moment until we all stood in each other's company again, some twenty-plus years later.

Those were indeed glory days for the lot of us. They were days in which I'd laugh like I'd never before. Rainy days when we'd often simply sit silently in each other's company, studying or reading. Days when we'd squeeze the lot of us into someone's car just to go grocery shopping at the nearest store twenty-five minutes away in another state. Nights crammed in one another's small apartments watching movies and TV. Nights on which someone would sleep on someone else's couch just because we didn't, or couldn't, be alone that night, for whatever reason.

But that's just it. There was never a reason, for any of it. We didn't find each other seeking out anything in particular. I didn't become friends with these people because I wanted a study guide from him, or desired to date her. We didn't need reasons to become friends. We certainly didn't need a reason to spend our time together. We just… did.  Because it felt good, it felt right, and because we needed to. 

Call it cliché, call it whatever you like, but the friends I made in law school were and remain my family. I will admit, as most of us likely will and some already have, that parting again after spending so much time together this past weekend… hurt. I have missed of all of them over all these years, but until we were all together again, I perhaps didn't realize just how much, or how badly, I missed them.

Sure, the conversations are now different. Instead of talking about class, or who was dating who, or what so-and-so said at the bar the night before, now we talk about our children. We compare career notes, and discuss where we've been and what we've done in the years since leaving school. Aside from a few grey hairs and the topics of conversation, however, nothing had changed between us. Nothing that has happened in our respective lives over the last twenty years has affected our bond in any way.

There was no judgment, noone viewing another differently on the basis of whatever had transpired in our own lives over the last twenty years. From the jokes to the storytelling to yes, even the tears, there wasn't a single thing that would have otherwise indicated that we hadn't perhaps just all been together the week before. There was no resulting awkwardness from our years-long separation. We were just… together.

I'm reluctant to say together "again", because that doesn't adequately describe how I felt being there with them. While it's true to say we haven't all occupied the same physical location at the same time in many years, I don't think it's accurate to say that we haven't been together.

In some ways, we've never actually been apart. All I need to do is close my eyes and they're there, all of these friends I made so many years ago. I will forever cherish the time we spent together in law school, and now also the time we spent together this past weekend. And I know that whether by phone, text or Facebook post, they will all, always, be here with me. That is the friendship we share. That is the bond we formed.  And that is why I say I am blessed.

I cannot predict when we'll all be physically together again, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope that it's far sooner than later, and that far less time goes by before we see each other again than it did prior to this past weekend. Until then, however, I find solace in the fact that I was able to spend time with them again for three, glorious days. I will further treasure the fact that my wife and daughter were there with me. My friends got to see the me that grew from the friendships we share in real time; my wife was able to meet those about whom she'd heard so much, those that reside in the heart of the man she married.

Circumstances brought us all together in 1996. Fate, on the other hand, ensured that more than mere circumstance would bond us all together, through 2019 and beyond.

For that I am eternally grateful.