If I Can Do It....

Hmmm. Maybe Keanu Reeves isn't so bad after all.

(Okay, who are you and what have you done with JJ???????)

I thought that might get your attention. We'll get back to that topic later. Let's just say this post is going to be a positive one, about self-esteem, personal growth, and emotional journeys.

(Again, we ask… who are you and what –)

Oh my gawd, stop. Okay fine; admittedly I don't throw out the touchy-feely-feel-good posts all that often but this is one of them. As regular readers know, I wear my heart on my sleeve and generally don't give a flying fu –

(Language!)

*ahem* Alright, Captain America… I generally don't care what people think about me or the words I write. I write to share myself, because I can't expect anyone else to accept me for whom I am if I don't show them that person. So, to that end, I'm sharing this personal story in the hopes that you readers will perhaps think about it, reflect on your own goals, desires and journeys, and do what's right for you.

For me, this journey started back in January of this year. You see, I love food. I love to cook, and I love to eat, and I have plenty of favorites. My day job is stressful, and at times exhausting, so at the end of the day I'd find myself on the couch doing a whole lot of nothing, other than sitting, and you guessed it, snacking. Not a good combination of inactivity. Well I'm sure you can imagine the effect this had on me.

At the end of January I played in an alumni hockey game, and found myself winded after my first shift. I ached everywhere. By the end of the game I felt as if my heart would beat right out of my chest and my lungs would explode. For days I could barely move without some kind of pain. Worst of all, however, was the fact that I weighed myself on the scale at the arena and learned in horror that I had reached my all-time heaviest weight. That weighed on me as heavy as anything I've experienced in my life.

I was an athlete. I ran track in high school. I played hockey and soccer for years. I was always in fairly decent shape, so much so that my first year of law school I ran a 5k on a whim to provide support for another friend that was running. With no training. I didn't need it; I was in that good of shape. For me to have fallen so far from that… it hit hard. And it hurt. Mentally as well as physically. Granted, that was twenty years ago; I've aged, my body has changed, and my metabolism certainly isn't what it used to be, but still. Those are excuses. Those are my excuses. I should have known better.

Getting as heavy as I had gotten was a real wake-up call, and I found the adage to be true: you can't be happy in general unless you're happy with yourself first, and I was definitely not happy with myself.  And I resolved to make myself happy. For me, that meant discipline, dedication, and a great deal of hard work to get myself where I wanted to be. Thankfully, I have several friends who took a similar journey, and it was from them that I drew my inspiration to set my journey upon a different path.

After that hockey game, I vowed four things: a) Lose weight. At least twenty pounds, but my goal was twenty-five to thirty. I wanted to drop the pounds, get rid of the fat, and basically create myself as a clean slate upon which I could begin again, build muscle, and be healthy; b) Eat healthier. I made a habit of eating whatever, whenever, because it was there and it tasted good. Chips. Sweets. Pizza. Wings. Overindulgence. It had to stop; c) Exercise more. This is perhaps one of the hardest things to achieve. When you're tired all the time, the last thing you want to do is exert energy. I needed to get over that; and quickly; and d) get to a point where I could participate in an organize athletic event, whether running a 5k, riding in bike race, something. Something to acknowledge that all the work I'd put in for the first three items was paying off.

Boom. There it was. I set goals. And then I exclaimed "holy shit, I don't think I can really do this."

See, the thing is, I could. Anyone can. If you have ever before thought, or are thinking along those same lines, remind yourself that you can. You CAN. If I can, so can you. Trust me.

Fast forward to May 24, 2016. For the better part of four months, I'd done the following: I cut out the junk food and snacks. No chips with lunch. Hell, it was salads for lunch almost every day. No snacking at night. I limited my meal portions to actual, appropriate portions, not Americanized "bigger is better" portions. And I ate healthier. Lean proteins, vegetables, fruits for breakfast every day. Sure, I still ate pizza and wings, but with less frequency. I didn't deprive myself, but it's amazing how you can eat better and still be satisfied.

And I exercised. I walked, used an elliptical that I purchased from a friend on a regular basis. I bought a Garmin fitness tracker to count steps, calories burned, sleep patterns. Having a guide, even if electronic, did wonders. And recently, I began running again for the first time in many, too many, years.

On the morning of May 24^th I weighed myself to confirm that I'd done it; twenty-five pounds, gone. I felt better than I had in years. And by the end of the day, I'd achieved all four goals I set for myself back in January; I completed the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge, a 3.5 mile race. Granted, I didn't set any speed records, but I did it. I participated, I finished, and I do so in a time that was more than acceptable for me.

That last part is essential: I was satisfied with what I'd done, for me, by setting realistic goals, working towards them at a pace suitable for me, and following through. And that's where I, and I suspect many people, faltered in the past; I had been too preoccupied with others' opinions and ideals that I forgot to focus on my own.

You need to do what's right for you. Not for a spouse, significant other, or for what some nitwit in GQ or Cosmopolitan says you should be. You have to be happy with you, for you, and only you. And you can. Is it difficult? Yes. Very. I'm not going to lie. Is it worth it? Every. Last. Bit. Of. It.

For me, I'm now much more comfortable with myself, confident, and in the best shape I've been in for nearly two decades. And it feels f*cking fantastic. Will I be able to keep it up? Again I'm not going to lie – There will be times I'll falter, assuredly. But I know that I have the strength to do what I need to do to feel better about me. And you do too. No joke. No BS.

Look, you have to ignore pretty much everything anyone says about what or who you should be because their opinions don't matter. Many told me that I looked just fine, even when I was heavier. As much as I appreciated that, I didn't feel right. I wasn't satisfied. And I needed to feel satisfied, accomplished, happy. You need to focus on yourself. Sure that sounds egocentric, and a tad narcissistic, but believe me when I tell you that self-focus is essential.

You can't be happy unless you're happy with yourself first.

BUT… be realistic. I'm never going to have abs or biceps like the aforementioned Captain America as portrayed by Chris Evans, and I would only be setting myself up for failure if that's the image to which I aspired. False image continues to be a major problem that permeates our culture. Do I need to look like Chris Evans to feel attractive and satisfied with myself? Hell no. And shame on society for telling me I should. I'm not him. I can never be him. So why should I try? 

I know who and what I can be, however, and that's the goal to which I aspire. Reasonable. Achievable.

Keep those two notions in mind if you want to make changes in your life: Set goals that are both reasonable and achievable. If you do, you just might find that, with effort, you'll reach them.

And for the rest of you, the friends, the lovers, the family of those seeking to better themselves, for themselves, I cannot put into words how much your love, support and encouragement helps someone to meet those goals. Sure, it's great to hear "you look fine", but if someone tells you they're not happy and want to do something about it, tell them instead "That's great! I'm proud of you. How can I help?"

The support I received, and continue to receive on this journey was and remains immeasurable. Just seeing other friends undertake the same effort was inspiring. Having encouragement, when I faltered or felt that I couldn't do it, helped to pace me and propel me. Last night, When I ran the race, there were times I asked myself "what the hell are you doing? Walk. Quit. You don't have to do this." But I did have to do it, for me, and I was immensely lucky to have a friend, literally beside me, that kept me going. "We can do this. Let's get to that point. There are the balloons. Just a little farther." We crossed the finish line stride for stride, beside one another, encouraging one another, and for that I am so genuinely grateful.

I am approaching my forty-third birthday. I work a sedentary job, I have stress, and I'm tired a lot. There are a multitude of reasons why I could just acquiesce to that. I could be what I was four months ago. Yeah… no. I'm better than that. I need to be better than that, for me. And if you think you need to be better for you, I'm telling you, you can.

You'll get discouraged. You'll fail. You'll fall back into old habits. But you can break them. You can do it. You can. And if you need encouragement, if you need help, reach out. Tell me. Write. Call. Stop by. I'll do whatever I can to assist. Self-betterment is not easy, and if there's anything I can do, I'm happy to do it. Maybe these words will help. I sincerely hope they do. But the truth remains…

If this forty-three year old guy that sits on his butt all day can set, and achieve, reasonable goals to be a better version of himself, so can you. I, and I'm sure others, will be here to help if you need us, and there's no shame in needing or asking for assistance.  

So I say thank you to all who stood by and supported me, and continue to do so. Truly. I couldn't have done it, and can't continue to do it, without you. Hopefully I'll be able to return the favor.

(Well said, all of it, but… What about Keanu Reeves??)

Huh, oh right, that. Eh. The Matrix trilogy was okay.

(That's it?)

Don't push it.

 

© 2016 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.