What I Learned from the Super Bowl....

Well, it's over. Another NFL season has come to pass, and many of you are all thinking the same thing.

 

(Happy Waitangi Day?)

 

Yes. Wait… no! Dammit. Fine. It is Waitangi Day. Kudos to the Kiwis, but that's not what I meant.

 

(Happy Chinese New Year?)

 

Ye… dammit stop that! I mean that for many of us football fans, the game itself was relatively unremarkable and, now that it's over, we simply shrug our shoulders and move on to whatever's next. There is a lot on the horizon, like NASCAR, the remainder of the hockey season, or, most importantly, Deadpool.

 

(I do like me some Ryan Reynolds….)

 

Who doesn't, really? But before we move on completely from Super Bowl 50, let's recap the big game here with twenty comments, questions, and observations to take away from last night's NFL Championship:

 

1.         Lady Gaga, Part 1: Gaga can rock our National Anthem. One of the best I've seen in years.

 

2.         Lady Gaga, Part 2: Best Gaga meme of the evening featured a picture of her in her anthem attire and the line "When you have to sing the National Anthem at 6:30 and host the Hunger Games at 8:30." *gigglesnort*

 

4.         Defense still wins championships. It may make for a decidedly boring game, but it wins championships.

 

3.         Lessons in Class, Part 1: Peyton Manning will always be for me the standard bearer for professional athletes when it comes to dignity and class. If last night truly was his last game, then the NFL has bid adieu to one of the all-time greatest quarterbacks ever to play the game, the most consummate of professionals, and one of the most respectable people it could ever hope to feature.

 

E.         Lessons in Class, Part 2: Can Newton has a lot to learn if he's to live up to his regular season MVP title. Sorry Cam, but there's more to the game than just the game. You are paid multiple millions of dollars to play a game. You are the league's MVP. Walking out of your post-game press conference was childish and disrespectful to the league, your teammates, and your fans. Yes, you lost the championship, but did so after a having played the most stellar season in your franchise's history. Conduct yourself accordingly, not like a petulant child that wasn't allowed to play with his favorite toy at recess.           

 

6.         Lesson in Class, Part 3: As much as Can Newton needs a dose of humility in losing, Aqib Talib perhaps needs a bigger dose in winning. After an atrocious outing on the field that included two personal foul penalties, one of which was perhaps the most egregious facemask grabs I've ever seen, that kept the Panthers first scoring drive alive, Talib made an complete asshat of himself post game. Between interfering with the Vince Lombardi trophy procession to the podium, to his feeble attempt at photobombing the post-game show and falling off the stage, to announcing to the world that he was "gonna get in it" with his wife after the game… Dude. You just won the Super Bowl. Stop being such a jackass.

 

7.         Lesson in Class, Footnote: Seattle did not make it to the Super Bowl. Apparently sour that the spotlight no longer shined on him, running back Marshawn Lynch, incapable of coping with the fact that no one was paying attention to him that evening, felt the need to tweet out his purported retirement during the Super Bowl. For F*ck's sake, man, it's one night that's not about you. Deal with it.

 

8.         I have never been, nor ever will be a fan of the Toyota Prius. I think they're ugly, and in my parts, the drivers driving them are among some of the worst on the road in terms of driving skill, awareness, and courtesy. BUT… The ad campaign with the police chase? Well played, Toyota.

 

9.         Captain America, Civil War.

 

X.        Cold Play? Still lame. Beyoncé and Bruno Mars salvaged the halftime show. Chris Martin trying to join them for the finale was sadly pathetic.

 

11.       Deadpool. DEADPOOL.

 

12.       Christopher Walken doing sock puppets. Needed no cowbell.

 

13.       Did anyone else find the NFL's promotion of post-game coitus a little weird?

 

14.       Why couldn't Wade Phillips run a defense like that when he coached the Bills???

 

15.       Props to Gary Kubiak for becoming the first man in NFL history to win a Super Bowl both as a player and as a head coach for the same team.

 

16.       Why wouldn't you want to feed Scott Baio? I mean, it came with the price of admission!

 

17.       Two demerits for the reporters. After an incredibly emotional season, and Super Bowl, did you really think Peyton Manning was going to announce his retirement on the spot? Asking the questions once, fine, I get it. But asking him again and again after he already told you he's not making that decision at that moment? Crap like this is what gives journalists a bad name.

 

18.       No sappy Clydesdale commercial, Budweiser?? Granted, Amy Schumer and Seth Rogan rocked the Bud Light commercial… but no sappy Clydesdales? Weak sauce, Budweiser. Weak, weak sauce.

 

19.       Drunk Joe Namath is always amusing.

 

And….

 

20.       I honestly don't know what will haunt my dreams more, puppymonkeybaby, or the plastic-surgery-gone-wrong nightmare that is Broncos owner's wife Annabel Bowlen. I mean, either… *shudder*

 

Until next year, folks. Go Bills!

 

 

© 2016 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.