Welcome, the Stupid of 2016!

So here we are, just a scant five days into 2016, and I already can't even.

(Can't even what? WAIT! Never mind! Forget I asked!)

I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you.

(Sonofabastich. Walked right into that one.)

Yes, yes you did. So 2016 is already rife with stupid. I know, shocker. Let me put it this way… Have you ever looked at someone after they told you something so stupid and your immediate reaction is to exclaim "f*cking duh" and smack your forehead?

(OMG, all the time.)

Well, this morning's first F*cking Duh Award goes to a woman who was shocked and outraged that Instagram shared photos that she posted of her children! And the Today Show thought this was somehow newsworthy (earning the program a runner up Duh Award….) Yes, this woman posted photos of her children and then took the media to express her outrage! Her horror! The atrocity that this website did… MORE OR LESS  EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS IT WILL DO IN ITS PRIVACY POLICY.

(Uh…. Wow.)

Right? Seriously people, do you ever read the privacy policies of the social media sites you frequent? I'm going to take a risk here and venture to guess that the answer is a big fat NO.

(That's not really a risky wager.)

That was sarcasm. Duh.

(I… dammit. I see what you did there.)

Instagram tells you right in its privacy policy that it collects your username; password; email address; profile information, including your name; and your user content, including PHOTOS YOU UPLOAD. And with whom do they share this information, you ask? PRETTY MUCH F*CKING EVERYBODY!!!!

Now granted, I exaggerate a little, but holy hell… the Instagram privacy policy does say that when they share with "affiliates" the affiliates "will honor the choices you make about who can see your photos." However, it goes on to say that "we also may share your information…with third-party organizations that help us provide the Services to you…."

Yet this woman went on the Today Show to complain that her photos were being used…. I. Can't. Even. People, please, please for the love of Dog, don't be so naïve. You're using a social media website. You're uploading pictures of yourself, your children, your dog, your meal, your friends. What do you really expect?? Actually, I know what you expect, but most of you are flat out wrong in expecting any true degree of privacy. Don't blame Instagram, or Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr because sensitive photos you posted yourself on the world wide interwebs were somehow shared in a manner you didn't expect. Here's how I imagine most conversations go with people who are mad about their information being shared:

Rational Person:                      Did you read the privacy policy before posting?

Dumb Posting Person:            "Yes, but…." or

                                                "No, but…."

NO! There is not but! Post, or post not, there is no but! Either you read the privacy policy, didn't understand it, and posted anyway, or you posted without reading it and ignorantly expected a particular outcome.

(Well, I see what you're saying, but how would you feel if someone posted one of your pictures without your permission?)

Would it suck? Sure, probably, but you know what? If I don't want someone to see something, I don't post it. It's really that simple. Honestly. If you don't want it floating out in cyberspace, don't. Put. It. There.

(F*cking duh.)

Exactly. Ladies and gentlemen we live in a technological world. Information is shared across continents in seconds. Servers are hacked, photos stolen, identities thefted…

(Thefted?)

Shush. I'm on a roll… anything and everything you put out there is accessible. It just is. I don't care how secure a website says it is, or what its privacy policy says; if someone wants your information, your photos, your email address, they're going to get it. Is this a cynical way to view the interwebs? Sadly… no, it's really not. Once you accept that notion, however, life becomes so much easier. I get that you love your children and you want to share pictures of them. And often, social media may be the best or in some cases only way in which you can do so. But please, know and understand the risks before you post. That's all I'm sayin.

(Seems logical… but "logic" and "people" don't often mix too well.)

I know. If they did, I wouldn't be writing this. As I get older, my tolerance for stupid wanes. Call me elitist, call me whatever you want, but sweet bejeebus there are a lot of dumb people out there. 2015 is already being heralded as the year everyone was offended by everything, and for good reason. Because people are dumb. This coffee cup offends me… because it doesn't overtly favor my religion so as to offend others! This OCD sweater at Target offends me… because I'm overly sensitive! The Patriots offend me because they're big fat cheaters!

(Wait….)

Yeah, that last one is actually okay, but you get my point. People need to stop being so dumb. It's a coffee cup. F*cking duh. You put stuff on the Internet. F*cking DUH. Stop. Think. Try not to hurt yourself in the process.

(So, you said something about a first award. Is there a second?)

Right! Yes! So F*cking Duh Award number two goes to this guy I totally trolled on Facebook last night. Have you ever encountered that one, obnoxious person on Facebook that just can't play nice? The one who has to devolve a comical, amiable sports ribbing into name-calling rudeness? Yeah, so… I encountered this guy last night and, after a couple of grammatically atrocious, ranting posts, he chided my friend about the Buffalo Bills' "losing record."  I responded thusly: "I was going to reply by pointing out all of your grammatical errors, but that would take me too long. Instead, I'll simply point out that 8-8 is not a losing record. I know, that silly math."

(Oh boy….)

Well, as you can imagine, that irked him, and he continued. And to irk him more, I continued to correct his grammar. Dick-ish of me? Yes. I couldn't help myself. I have encountered too many men like this guy in my life and they generally all fit into the same categories: narcissistic (he claimed my responses were akin to affection and that I should join his fan club); defensive; argumentative and derogatory (as he began to realize I wouldn't be intimated by his comments, he resorted to the most banal of name-calling). Really, dude. If you want to play the game, make sure you can play the game. But most guys like this can't. They have no idea what to do or how to react when encountered by someone whom they cannot intimidate, and resort to bullying. It's pathetic, frankly. Again, something that can be avoided very simply by them not being assh*oles.

(Can I say it?)

Sure.

(F*cking duh.)

See? You get it. If people could just let go of the stupid…. Let it go, let it go….

(Can't hold it back anymDAMMIT YOU!!!!!)

Did you really think you were getting out of this without an earworm?

(Don't say it.)

I'm gonna say it.

(Please don't say it….)

F*cking duh.

(*sigh* You suck.)

I know.

 

© 2016 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.