Daylight Savings and Other Stupid Stupidity

Let's face it – There are a lot of stupid, annoying things out there that exasperate us on a daily basis. Many of them we can't control, like Keanu Reeves, the Patriots cheating, or the weather. But there are those things that continue to exist, seemingly for the sole purpose of annoyance, that we can control… and should.

 

(And you're going to tell us all about them, aren't you?)

 

Darn tootin', I am.

 

(*sigh* Okay, let me get my coffee.)

 

I am being serious. And I bet you a drink that when I'm done you're going to agree with every single thing I mention here.

 

(You're on.)

 

Ok, in no particular but in very specific order:

 

8.         Daylight Savings Time. This archaic practice needs to go away. Like yesterday, away. Ok, more like two days ago away, since we changed the clocks back in the wee hours of Sunday morning. In any event, just… why? Why do we still have this?

 

(Because it helps farmers?)

 

WRONG! That is one of the most widely held misconceptions about DST. Even a periphery perusal of the world wide interwebs will tell you that the notion of DST benefitting the farmers is nothing but a pile of fertilizer. In fact, DST was apparently first utilized by the Germans in WW I to conserve energy during war time. Yes, that's correct – DST is a war time rationing device. That we still utilize. One hundred years later. For NO REASON. Unless you enjoy losing an hour of your life, feeling groggy for days, and increasing your risk of workplace injury, heart attack, or accidentally texting that semi-nude selfie to your entire contacts list.

 

(Um, what??)

 

*ahem* Anywhoos…. The point is that the practice basically serves no legitimate purpose any longer. Yet, like lemmings, we continue to follow traditional practice and turn our clocks and watches back or forward twice a year. And by the way, as a watch collector I hereby declare that DST can go fornicate itself in its own pie hole.

 

6.         Going Meatless on Fridays During Lent. Now certainly there are those more devout than I who will argue the religious merits of the practice, but history has pretty much shown that the possible real reasons behind the practice relate more towards propping up the ancient fishing industry, or to the health risks of aged, raw meat. Now I agree that the premise of sacrifice is one that should be carried forth through lent and, for us Catholics, on a far greater scale throughout the year. But then again… the whole point of the Lenten period leading up to Easter is one of sacrifice and reflection. I myself have given up something seemingly trivial, but for those that know me and my sweet tooth, my self-denial of York Peppermint Patties isn't something to scoff at. And let's face it, if I'm going to Hell, it's likely not going to be because I ate meat on Friday during Lent.

 

(*snicker* Ain't that the truth.)

 

You just hush your face over there.  Carrying on…

 

7.         Highway Traffic. I firmly believe that seventy-eleven percent of all highway traffic slowdowns these days are caused by Prius drivers, RAV4 drivers, silver minivan drivers, people texting, the elderly, or any combination thereof. It's ridiculous. Just this morning there was a nearly dead-stop on the highway into work. There was no accident. The weather was fine. Temperatures were well above freezing. There was NO REASON WHATSOEVER for traffic to have slowed to the point that that I could have gotten out and walked faster than my car was rolling, other than stupid drivers. So how do we fix this? More frequent testing. And by testing I mean actual testing, with real world scenarios. Picture this: a man sits in a simulator and is first tasked with choosing an automobile for the simulation. His choices are a) Ford Fusion; b) Toyota Prius; C) Jeep Wrangler; and D) Chevy Silverado. If he presses "B" sirens go off, the test is over, and he is denied a license. One problem solved. Incidentally, if he pressed "C" he would have automatically passed.

 

Assuming he gets passed that, the simulation begins and he finds himself travelling down the highway through various road conditions. Automatic failure occurs if he drives too slowly, stays in the passing lane too long, answers his cell phone, or tries to merge when there isn't sufficient space. If he slows to allow a Prius, RAV4 or silver minivan in front of him, not only does he fail but he's also given a tinfoil hat that he must wear whenever he drives to identify his stupidity to other drivers.

 

5.         The Debate on Vaccinations. Why this is still a topic of discussion is beyond me. I don't have to be doctor or a scientist to understand that vaccinations do not cause Autism, or that the failure to vaccinate your child puts every other child and/or person with a weakened immune system at risk for diseases that should be extinct but are now making a comeback because of anti-vaccination nonsensicalness.

 

(Well, some studies show that -)

 

No, just no. They don't. It's dangerous, and it's ignorant. And if you refuse to vaccinate then keep your kids at home and homeschool them, and don't come crying to the rest of the world when your kid gets the measles, mumps, bubonic plague, or turns gay because he wasn't vaccinated.

 

(Not vaccinating is not going to turn someone gay!)

 

EXACTLY!! And vaccinating is not going to cause Autism!!!  Now do you see how stupid the argument is??? My guess is those arguing against vaccination probably drive Priuses and don't care about not eating meat on Fridays during Lent because they're already vegan. Am I being overly harsh and stereotypical? Yes, yes I am, and I do so to illustrate the point that such stupidity can easily be avoided.

 

(Ok, so far I'm with… wait a second… the numbering… 8…6…7…5… three-oh-niii-iiiine…. DAMMIT!!!! You stealth ear-wormed me!!!)

 

Sucker. I've been saving that one for a while….

 

(Jenny Jen… I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns.)

 

No you don't. If you did you wouldn't keep coming back here to read this nonsense.

 

(I… grrrrrr. Touché, pussycat.)

 

Now about that drink… I take my scotch neat, with just a splash of water.

 

 

© 2015 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.