If, but... If...
(Ok…
whatnow?)
Generally the phrase is taken to represent
the notion that second guessing and making excuses are nothing more than an
impediment to happiness. What a party we'd have if the "ifs" and
"buts" were candy and nuts… although you really shouldn't eat too
many nuts. While they are generally heart healthy, anything in excess can be
problematic and if you don't hydrate enough while you're eating nuts you're
going to have one helluva…
(*ahem*)
Right, sorry. I digress. It seems I've
been doing a lot that lately. What-iffing, if you will. Sadly for some of us
it's almost second nature to second guess. Sometimes you get to a point in your
life where you just sit there and examine your life and say "what if I did
this" or "what if I didn't do that" or "but, if I didn't do
that…." Sometimes you may get lucky enough to find an answer or two.
Sometimes you may very well not like the answer you get. Most of the time,
though, speaking for myself, I imagine that, if I were a cartoon, I'd look a
lot like a disgruntled Calvin, hands thrust in my pocket, with a thought
balloon hovering over my head with a big ol' WTF??? in bold letters.
(Again: Ok… whatnow???)
What if. Those are very powerful words.
Saying them isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. It's not as if an abundance
of candy and nuts is a good thing. Thinking about your past actions, or
inaction, helps one to shape future decisions and avoid past mistakes. Still,
sometimes there are just those questions to which you'd really appreciate an
answer. And I'm not saying this as if I'm looking for any kind of existential,
life changing epiphany. I just, you know, wonder!
What if… in high school, instead of
walking up and flirting with the doe-eyed blonde, I chose to chat with the
wide-eyed brunette instead? Would I have met my "high school sweetheart?"
Would we still be friends all these years later? IT's an interesting thought,
for sure. I'll never know for sure where my life would have gone from there… and
that's ok. Still, it's kind of fun to wonder.
What if… I pushed a little harder to
play hockey/football/sport of choice? Would I have been a star? Would I have
had a solid career as a second-line left winger in the NHL? Could I have been
the Wes Welker of my time, a smallish, fast, sure-handed wide receiver?
Perhaps. Perhaps not. I know it would have been fun to listen to Dan Dierdorf
try and properly pronounce my name on Monday Night Football.
What if… I hadn't married who I'd
married? What if I hadn't dated who I've dated? What if I decided that an
awkward encounter was just that, nothing more than an isolated awkward
encounter, and tried a little harder to woo that pretty girl I knew? Where
would I be now? Married still? Rushing home to my children? Or perhaps
divorced, exactly as I am, but with more heartache and pain? Who knows.
But… Would I still be me if any of these
what-ifs ever came to pass? I've said it before but it bears repeating – I am
the sum of the events of my life, good or bad, in total. Everything I've done,
Everything that's happened, every smile, every tear, every scar, physical or
emotional, has served to shape the man typing this post. What if something I'd
what-iffed changed me such that I was what-iffing other what-ifs and buts?
(I… wait… What if, carry the but… Dammit
stop that!)
Sorry. I know, though… it's confusing. Let's
just leave it at this – Candy and nuts are great, but eventually they're bound
to give you heartburn, or worse. Ifs and buts aren't necessarily bad, so long
as you take them in stride and accept the fact that they are nothing more than
curious speculation.
Unless…
(Oh boy. Here it comes.)
Unless there's a what if to which you could find an answer. It's possible. Not
so much if you're what-iffing a past experience. No, I'm talking about the kind
of what-if that could shape your future. What if I took a new job/wrote that
book/asked that girl out/got that tattoo/picketed the Jeep dealer until they
got rid of that abomination of a "Cherokee"/just took a day off to do
nothing?
There's been a lot of challenges lately
floating around the internets. This is my challenge: Pick three What-Ifs. Make
them doable, make them reasonable, but make them challenging. Ask yourself
"What if…." And then find out what happens if you follow through. What
have you got to lose? Pride? If you're worried about hurting your pride, you've
got too much of it anyway. Embarrassment builds character. Just decide. What if
I…
(I…. hmm. This one is really
interesting. I think I'll try it.)
Good. And good luck. You never know what
can happen.
Now, what if I told you this was all a
dream….
©
2014. J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.
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