So... you want to know who I am, eh?

Admittedly my main purpose for this blog is the promotion of my work. A friend recently reminded me though, that there is a fine line between being an author for principle and an author for profit. I mention this because I am currently feuding with my online publisher over whether or not it properly distributed my first novel, The Diligent, to the appropriate online vendors. As a result of the error in publishing I have been denied certain royalties I otherwise could have earned. Yes, the money is important. But how important? Right now writing, sadly, is not my so called "career." I have a day job. Writing for me is a release, but it is not a hobby. It is part of me. The money is just a bonus.

Why do I mention all of this? Because I originally intended to fill this space today with links to, and the cover art of my published works in an effort to boost sales. You know what? Not today. That will come in time, rest assured, but not today. Today I want to really introduce myself. I want you to meet the man behind the words. This is your opportunity to learn what kind of man I am and perhaps get an idea of how, and why, I write what I do and how I do. Then, if you are so gracious enough to purchase my works and read them, you will be able to do so with understanding and insight.

This was a note that I originally wrote on Facebook about a year and a half ago. For some of you this is will be an encore, and for that I apologize. (It's long and I know your time is valuable.) For the rest of you, I have edited the tome slightly to account for my current age and change in venue. Still, each and every word written here still rings true. Some authors like their privacy. Me? I do, certainly. But how can I expect you to embrace me as a writer if you don't know me? That doesn't seem fair.  So...

You want to know who I am, eh?

I am thirty-eight years old and only three days removed my birthday. I am still a young man whose grey hair, life experience and old soul belie my age. I am a man who will not dye his hair and who will not hide my wrinkles or scars because in each lies a moment of my life that is essential in comprising the whole of me.

I am spiritual, yet skeptical. I am someone who has deep faith in God, so much so I have emblems of my Roman Catholic heritage tattooed on my body. I am, however, a man whose faith, and devotion, sometimes falters as I question why the events of my life transpire and seemingly conspire to burden me. I am a man who, despite the knowledge that I will overcome these burdens, can still succumb to the overwhelming weight thrust upon my shoulders.

I am deeply passionate. I am someone who believes that emotion is not a weakness but rather the cornerstone to a foundation built of passion and empathy. I am firmly entrenched in the belief that without these things in equal parts a person is doomed to a life of anger and misery. I am a man who wears my heart on my sleeve without embarrassment or guilt because if you cannot see my heart you cannot see me.

I am frustrated. I am the type of person who, when I see my friends in pain, wishes nothing more than to be able to absorb that pain into myself and relieve them of the ails that befall them. I am disturbed beyond words because in more instances than not, I cannot, and I too suffer as they do. I am the person who will still try, still share a smile, still extend my hand or offer my shoulder because I know my friends would do the same for me.

I am insecure. I am accomplished yet I question my abilities, even though I know in my heart I am capable and able. I am someone who sometimes fears things that I should not fear because I have been ingrained with self loathing and doubt. I am someone who knows better and continues a slow and steady awakening from the fog that's enveloped me and I appreciate the confidence and support that assists me.

I am lucky. I am blessed with family and friends who are able to see all that I am and love me still. I am healthy, I am embraced, and I am welcomed. I am grateful for the wonderful things in my life and I am forever thankful that it is those things that guide me, enlighten me, and propel me.

I am fearful. I am weary of a future untold and I am often worried by that which I cannot control. I am bolstered by the fact that there exists a common ground upon which we all stand, and it is uncertainty. I am someone who like you possesses the wherewithal to reach out in an effort to find balance and I will stand beside those who are willing to stand beside me as we venture forth.

I am saddened. I am weakened by the actions of others and the effect those actions have on those that I love. I am wounded by the ostensible loss of friendships long held or those barely begun. I am something less than I was by virtue of that which has been taken from me, but I am sure in time the sorrow will wane and be fully replaced by the joy that has begun to well within me.

I am strong. I am cognizant that my moments of weakness will pass in time. I am able to reflect upon and analyze the events of my life and, though I may not always understand them, I am able to accept them. I am allowed by the grace of God the ability to find the words to express myself when they are needed most. I am shameless in sharing those words with you because you, each of you, are a part of me. I am afraid neither of rejection nor ridicule because I know you will read these words without judgment.

I am humbled. I am truly humbled by the friendship, love, and understanding that has been bestowed upon me. I am and forever will be hopeful that I will always be able to return the incredible gifts that have been given me. I am aware that at times we will all stumble and wander from our paths, but that our paths will fatefully intertwine again. I am certain of one thing above all others, that my perseverance is the product of those that care for me so much.

I am, simply, me.