Holiday Heckling: The Return

*tap tap tap*

Is this thing on?

*silence*

 I SAID IS THIS THING ON???

 (OMG Yes! Stop shouting! Give us a second to answer, jeez! Wait… oh no.)

Oh yes, my dear parenthetical heckler, oh yes, indeed. Sadly I’d gotten away from these pages except for random one-offs, but a close, dear friend, one who’s been writing some poetry of late, has inspired me to start writing again. At first I thought perhaps I’d reengage my poetic side. Then I remembered that writing posts like this was far more therapeutic, and far less expensive, than actual therapy. Plus, you people are generally also far less judgmental than an actual therapist… mostly because you’re all just as crazy as I am; I just say the quiet parts out loud.

(HEY! I… okay, that’s fair.)

Good. Now that we’ve established that, I’m going to take a page out of Steve Burns’ book when he returned to social media with a heartfelt message to his Blue’s Clues fans and say…

Hi. How are you? Are you doing okay? No?

*sigh*

Me neither. This past year has been a doozy, eh? I think some guy who calls himself, yet bears absolutely no resemblance to a “Jellyroll” summed it up perfectly: “I’m not okay…. But it’s all gonna be alright.”

(*squints like Thor* is it, though?)

You’re asking me? Damn. We’re worse off than I thought. The short answer, though, is no, it may not really be all alright. There’s a much deeper, socio-political conversation to be had here, but that’s a topic perhaps for a different day. Today I want to focus on what we can do to make things better, if even just a little better in the short-term, although it might not be alright in a more comprehensive sense. Let’s focus on the now. We’re looking at now. Everything that happens now, is happening now.

(What happened to then?)

We passed then.

(Wh… dammit. We just got Spaceballed, didn’t we?)

Just then.

(Annnnnnnd he’s back.)

*gigglestnort*

So here’s the now: our country is an it-shay show of epic proportions, we are mired in uncertainty, and we’re smack dab in the holiday season and my weirdo kids don’t want to see Santa and is Polly Pockets still a thing and how the hell is it only nine days before Christmas and what am I’m going to get my Secret Santa person do you think they’d like those slippers you can warm in the microwave and peace in the middle east would be cool and there’s drones over New Jersey and honestly who the hell wants to spy on New Jersey and what the sh*t is this non-egg eggnog I’m seeing in stores EGGNOG IS EGG-NOG AND –

(Dude! Breathe!)

*Breathes*

See what I’m saying? I hope you do, because I forgot where I was going with this… OH! Right. So, yeah, if you’re feeling stressed and anxious and overwhelmed as we approach ye ol’ Yuletide, don’t feel bad. It’s okay to not be okay. Just like Mister Little Debbie Swiss Roll says.

(Jellyroll.)

Whatever. Really, it’s okay to not be okay.

And I mean that.

For better or worse, occasionally not being okay is, well, okay, because we’re all in this together. So I offer you this as we work our way through this traditionally cheerful and depressing and wonderful and horrible and sparkly, twinkly, shiny, terrible, crazy time of year:

Just be there. For yourself, first and foremost. As some proverb that I’m probably grossly mis-paraphrasing says, if you need a break, take one or you’ll be forced to take one, and not in a good way. Moving too fast? Take a deep breath and slow down. Reset. Recharge. Even a few minutes a day can help.

Look, I know. Easy for me to say. I get it. I am always up bright and early to be first in line to not take my own advice. But y’all are generally smarter than me. So listen to the smart part of me and take my advice and don’t listen to the dumb part of me that doesn’t take it.

(So…listen to you, but don’t listen to you?)

Exactly.  

(I’m not sure I missed this.)

You did, and you know it. Anywhooooos….

Something else to remember at this time of year is the incredible impact you can make on someone’s life with just the smallest of gestures. Offer a smile, if that’s all you have to give. Reach out to say a hello and happy holidays. You’d be surprised how much just the sound of your voice can mean to someone. And if someone does something for you in that regard, don’t be shy to tell them how much it meant. Too often people go through life never truly understanding the impact they may have on others. That saddens me, honestly. And, frankly, it's not fair. Because you deserve to know that just by being you, you really can make this world a better place.

And I guess that’s it, isn’t it? We really can make things better just by being ourselves and doing what we can. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes it really is that simple.

I’m willing. Are you?

Oh, and one other thing to hopefully help you realize that perhaps things aren’t quite so bad…. You know how there’s that game where you try to make it through the holiday season without hearing that certain song from the late, great, George Michael and that other guy in the duo no one remembers, or that other song from she-who-will-not-be-named? 

So….

Picture it. December 1^st. I’m sitting in the living room, minding my own business, I don't know, probably looking at pre-Cyber-Monday Cyber Monday sales on my phone or something, when my oldest comes traipsing in singing “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart….”

So there you go. Don't feel too bad, because at least you didn't get Whammed. By your own friggin’ offspring. ON. DAY. ONE. 

(But... now you Whammed all of us. Jerk.)

You’re welcome.

Happy holidays, gang. Hang in there.