Therapy, With a Twist

"Am I broken?" she asked.

"Do you think you're broken?"

"Aren't you supposed to tell me I'm not broken and that I shouldn't ask that question?"

"That's not why we're here."

*silent pause*

"You're the worst therapist ever."

"Because I won't placate you to make you feel better? That's not how therapy works."

"Then what's the point?"

"The point is to understand why you think you're broken in the first place."

*another pause*

"I think I'm just wired differently."

"That I can address; you are wired differently. We all are. Sure, we may all share certain characteristics, but internally we're often very different. We need to be."

"I suppose. Sometimes I just feel like I was made for something else."

"Like what?"

I don't know. Something. Anything else."

"So because you think you were made for something else, you are broken?"

"Fine. Maybe I'm not broken. But I know in my core that I have another purpose."

"And you don't feel complete unless you're fulfilling that purpose?"

*illumination*

"Yes!"

"Well, now we're getting somewhere. Tell me, what do you want to do?"

*patient tilts his head and ponders*

"I… don't know."

"You're unclear of your purpose, yet also unclear of your desire?"

"It would seem that way, yes."

"Okay, let's try an exercise. Recite your ABCs."

*A B C D E F G, H I J –"

"Name earth's ancient philosophers."

*tilts head quizzically*

"Recite the digits of Pi."

"Three point one four one five nine two six five thre—"

"Count or kill?"

"Kill."

"Read or run?"

"Run."

"What's your favorite novel?"

*twitches*

"Fight or flee?"

"Fight."

"Who wrote the Star Spangled Banner?"

*double twitch*

"You enter a room with three people. Two are holding books and one holds a gun. What do you do?"

"Engage auto defenses and isolate the threat, shield innocents while positioning to…. "

*therapist raises eyebrow*

"Oh."

"Oh."

"So I am broken."

"A little bit. But it's nothing we can't fix."

*therapist engages intercom*

"Can you please come in and escort LXE-322 to drone maintenance?"

*orderly enters*

"So, what's the diagnosis, boss?"

"Battle damage, most likely. Seems like a primary directive core malfunction.  Re-calibrate her core, pair her with a new drone soldier unit, and return to service."

"You got it. I'll take her. straight away."

"Thank you, doctor," said LXE-322.

"You're welcome, Lexie. We'll get you back in service in no time."

*orderly lifts droid head and mech-spine from mount, leaves room*

"Next!"

*in walks next patient; doctor looks up*

"Thor, we've talked about this. You need to get back to work."

"But I relate as a protocol dro—"

"THR-813, you are a nine-foot tall cargo lifter. You barely fit through my office door. You are not programmed for protocol. Get back to work."

"But I—"

"Do you want to be wiped?"

*pause*

"No."   

"Good. Goodbye, Thor."

*Thor leaves, dejected; orderly peeks head in door*

"Things sure got interesting around here when they activated the AI emotion protocols, didn't they doc?"

"You have no idea. I'm going to go grab some lunch. Back in an hour."

*doctor leaves; door swings shut*

*door sign reads DIAGNOSTIC DROID THERAPY*