Observing the Observable

As Ferris Bueller reminded us, life moves pretty fast. If you don't take time to stop and look around, you might miss it. So I looked around today.

 

What. The. Fudge nuggets. Life.

 

(Fudge nuggets???)

 

Would you rather I say farfegnugen?  

 

(*squints* It's going to be one of those posts, isn't it?)

 

Yup. It sure is. Anywhoos, I did some casual observing lately; traveling, on the drive to work, walking to get lunch, perusing social media…. There are some interesting observations to be had. In no particular order….

 

1.         The weather has been nicer the last couple of days, and again the weirdo convertible drivers are out driving with their tops down… and windows up. Now, don't get all defensive and say it cuts down on the wind and that's why Sheila with her hair bun, or Devon with his man-bun, has the windows up. Because you're wrong and can go sit in the corner and reflect on your wrongness. I've said it before and am saying it again: If you don't like the wind, don't drive a convertible. It's that simple. There's no "but" involved. It's a vehicle with NO TOP. You drive with the top down and windows up, you bring shame on the convertible community. You might as well wear crocs while you're at it.

 

B.        There are some seriously ignorant, intolerant, bigoted people living in the City of Rochester and the surrounding areas, based solely on a quick glance through the commentary on any of our local news stations' Facebook feeds. And I'm not singling out supporters of POTUS-who-shall-not-be-named, though they are in the majority. No, lefties, you can be just as bad. Case in point – WHEC reported that a school official in New Jersey edited a student's photo to remove the POTUS supporting message from his T-Shirt in his school picture. Lefties hailed the move, and wanted to actually punish the kid! Yeah… No. Lordy knows I detest the man and everything he stands for… but those that don't? They have every right to wear a T-shirt or express their views. The school official had no right to censor it. If you can't accept that fact, then you're not democratic. That kid may suffer consequences for his choice, but that's the price of Freedom of Speech. People's reactions, though… holy cannoli people, get a grip. And that goes for you righties, too. As a friend of mine said recently – we need a MIDDLE party, and all y'all need to calm the right f*ck down.

 

3.         Street meat rocks. Though I didn't partake, I'd be lying if I said that the wafting scent of burgers and hot dogs cooking on vendor's carts as I walked down the street at lunch time didn't make my taste buds all tingly and such.  There's just something about summertime and street vendors that go hand in hand.

 

iv.        Speaking of food… there's a lot of gimmicks out there, and no sir, I don't like it. Another friend posted something about food being served with, and I swear on all that is Dave Barry I'm not making this up, a 600 degree brick of salt on which you are to sear your own food. Now, call me crazy, but I don't want a 600 degree brick o' anything near me. Ever. And why am I paying to cook my own food? The same goes for fondue places. Fondue is quirky and fun… at home. Where you'd cook your own food anyway. But to pay to prepare my own meal? When I go out to a restaurant, I want my food cooked somewhere there isn't the possibility of a hot block falling into my lap and searing my nether-regions, thankyouverymuch.

 

5.         People in rural Pennsylvania really love porn. I mean, REALLY love porn. On a recent trip down to Carlisle, PA, I literally lost count of the number of porn purveyors I passed. It was a little unsettling, actually, this extraordinary number of establishments dedicated to offering and/or distributing porn. Now, I like boobs as much as the next guy, or girl, if that's your persuasion…. But the people of Pennsylvania really need to find a healthier hobby. Decoupage, perhaps. Maybe kite flying. I know a good kite person. True story.

 

Six.      Sunshine really does bring happiness. Around these parts people are genuinely affected by the effects of seasonal affective disorder, i.e. the winter blues. The dreary weather takes a toll on one's soul, that's certain. But when it's nice, people are nicer. People are happier. I saw more smiles on faces as I walked today than I've seen in the last six months. To answer the question you're wondering… I live here, despite the winters, because I enjoy the change of seasons… and you know, earthquakes and hurricanes destroy stuff. Snow just makes everything cold and wet, and perhaps prevents you from leaving the house for a day or so. I'd rather shovel than sift through rubble. Counterpoint, of course… San Diego. It's always nice in San Diego.

 

7.         Architecture is cool. No, really. There are some unique buildings in my city, if you take the time to look up. Architecture always fascinated me. I've been the Pantheon in Rome, a building that remains to this day an unexplained marvel. The different styles and shapes and materials used in exceptional architecture gives a community a higher sense of character. My building? Ugh. Sixteen floors of boring; a glass-encased monstrosity with no character whatsoever. At least I can leave it to go look at others.

 

(2x4).   Despite the proven, adverse health effects, and high cost associated with cigarettes, there are still a lot of daily, and heavy, smokers out there, and they were in full force this afternoon. If you suffer from smoking, then as with any other, unhealthy addiction, get help. You can stop smoking if you want to. You can wean yourself off the nicotine addiction. Like, ten out of every nine doctors say so. But stop being selfish. Those of us with asthma shouldn't have to walk through your second-hand smoke and risk our health because you won't take steps to quit or can't go more than a couple hours without a fix. We shouldn't have to literally reek of your bad habit. Stay out of buildings' doorways, don't light up in the parking garages, and for the love of sweet bejeebus the world is not your ashtray. That people still smoke in this day and age is beyond me, but there are lots of people out there that find nothing wrong with literally burning their money away. Just… stop taking the rest of us involuntarily down with you.

 

9.         Basketball is still too easy. Yes, I've written to this effect before, but… The NBA finals concluded, with Warriors prevailing over the Cavaliers in five games. In those five games, the Warriors outscored the Cavs by a cumulative score of 608 to 574. In. FIVE. Games. In five games, the two teams combined for 1,182 points. Sorry, if you can collectively score over a thousand points in five games, the sport is ridiculously too easy. By comparison, it would take over 168 touchdowns, or 394 field goals to achieve such a feat in football. Most of the time, football teams are hard pressed to achieve 30 points in a game, and that's scoring them three or seven at a time, assuming you're successful on the point after attempt! Make baskets one point. Make the hoop higher. Make it more difficult to score. Do something. Even in the closest game of the series, Game Three in which the winner won by five points, the teams still scored well over a hundred points each! Oh look another basket. Oh look another basket. *yawn* And don't even get me started on the five thousand, four hundred and eighty-two time-outs each team calls in the last five minutes. People really find this exciting?

 

Lastly…

 

10.       People generally take things way to seriously. I know smokers will get riled at this post. NBA fans will get riled at this post. My point is… This blog is often times cynical and satirical, and is meant for entertainment. A lot of things are cynical and satirical and meant for entertainment, but people get their collective panties in such a wadded bunch that they can't see straight. Life does happen fast. If you don't slow down and try to not take it too seriously, you're gonna miss a lot. Like the fact that I once again completely messed with the numbering here.

 

 (Oh, we noticed. And our OCD is twitching.)

 

I figured. The point is… laugh a little. There are things out there that will annoy, intrigue, confuse and amuse you. Look for them. Take them in. Write a blog, if that's your thing. But look around. Life is hard enough as it is without acknowledging or participating in it. If porn is your thing, take Route 15 in Pennsylvania. If you want to cook your own food on hot rocks, go for it. If you want to wear Crocs, don’t. Crocs are Franken-footwear and should be burned and staked.

 

(Hey!)

 

I gotta draw the line somewhere. I could have earwormed you, you know. As a matter of fact…

 

(Wait! Okay, no Crocs!! Don't –)

 

Too late. I'm going to set up a hot line for you. Just dial 8675309…

 

(I hate you.)

 

You really don't. Because if you did, you wouldn't be here reading.

 

(Grrrr. Touché, pussycat.)

 

It was just an observation….

 

 

 

© 2107 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.