Mach Madness (And no, this ain't about basketball)

So… here's the thing about writing: Too frequently you end up writing something completely different than what you intended to write, or should have written. Case in point – this blog post that will ramble on about a whole lot of random things. When I sat down, I intended to pick up where I left off in Book Five of The Deep Space Chronicles… and then I thought "my office smells like tacos."

 

(*sigh* Fine, I'll bite – What does your office smelling like tacos have to do with not writing your book?)

 

I'm glad you asked! Absolutely nothing other than the facts that 1) I ate a Mexican salad from the taco place across the street for lunch; and b) I'm having an OOOO shiny kind of day.  So now I'm writing this instead of working on the book. Because when you have the literary attention span of a gnat, you write rambling blog posts.

 

What's going on in my head, you didn't ask? Well I'll tell you!

 

1.         For the Stranger Things fans… we really are living in the Upside Down. In the past couple of days, the regime in power has released its health care and budget proposals… which, respectively, experts say will divest over twenty million Americans of their healthcare over the next several years, and which will eviscerate spending on things like the arts, the environment and pretty much anything that isn't nationalistic in nature. What in the name of sweet baby bejeebus is happening? This is the stuff of dystopian novels. This is how the world ends in every dystopian novel. Every. Single. One.

 

B.        A Huffington Post article that many of my friends have apparently liked keeps popping up in my Facebook feed as a recommended post. I finally read it. It's an article about model Ashley Graham and a photo shoot in which she participated that portrays her in, let's face it, a role-reversal, domineering position over the male model featured with her. Apparently the interwebs has lost its collective sh*t over this. First, Ashley Graham, if you don't know who she is, is a curvaceous – I will NOT say "plus-sized" – model, and she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. I don't know if it’s the role-reversal or her size that has everyone up in arms, but seriously; shut up people. She's gorgeous. She can dominate me if she wants to. Stop whining.

 

3.         Rogue One comes out in digital format one week from tomorrow. Let me say that again another way: Rogue one comes out in eight days. If you need me next Friday I will be home watching Rogue One because ROGUE ONE COMES OUT NEXT FRIDAY. I'm thinking viewing party….

 

4.         We experienced a massive March snow storm here in my area over the past several days, nearly breaking the record for the most snowfall in the shortest amount of time. This came sharply on the heels of a wind storm that reached category 1 hurricane levels and which knocked power out for over 100,000 people locally. This leads me to two points of discussion: i) Clown-Car-Cabinet EPA appointee Scott Pruit is on record as disbelieving in climate change and stating that CO2 does not contribute to global climate change. Hey, asshat – We had a hurricane in Western New York and two feet of snow in the span of seven days. Seven. Days. IN MARCH.  Seriously WTF dude?; and ii) People ask "why do you live where it snows and you get blizzards and now, apparently, hurricanes, and… blah blah yadda yadda yadda.  Why? Because when we get two feet of snow, we just don't go anywhere for a little while. Nothing really gets destroyed. People aren't displaced from their homes permanently. Tornados? Destroy stuff. Tsunamis? Destroy stuff. Earthquakes? DESTROY. STUFF. Snow? Well, sh*t, I gotta run the snow blower. Yeah, I'll take my blizzard any day.

 

e)         Dogs are better than cats. They just are.

 

VI)      The new Jeep pickup truck apparently won't be released until 2018, which is fine by me because that gives me another year to pay down the loan on my current, everyday ride before I get one. And I will be getting one. Here's hoping that they name it the Comanche and harken back to the days of the last Jeep truck… At least then the name won't be an insult to what was once great, and I'm looking at you shouldn’t-be-called-a-Cherokee-or-a-Renegade.

 

(Oh for the love of Pete get over it already!)

 

I will not. Not until they change the front grill on the Cher… *ahem* soccer mom grocery getter they're trying to pass off as a Cherokee. And leave Pete out of this.

 

(*bangs head on desk*)

 

7)         I joke that pants are overrated, but honestly I could live in a pair of broken-in jeans, a t-shirt and cowboy boots. I'd look a little silly in just a t-shirt and cowboy boots.

 

8)         Speaking of Jeeps… I miss my Wrangler. Yes, I could easily drive it in this weather, but it's never seen a winter and I don't intend for it to experience winter now. That's my summer fun ride. That's my top down, blare Dropkick Murphys, go to the lake, let the sun beat down on my face ride. Spring starts on Monday. Get your act together, Mother Nature.

 

9)         Why is it more acceptable for straight women to have "girl crushes" than it is for straight men to have "boy crushes"? Think about it – You hear a woman say "I think Hayley Atwell is gorgeous!" and no one bats an eye. You hear a man say "Chris Hemsworth is a good lookin' dude" and the response you get is "that's gay." Grow up.

 

10)       Chris Hemsworth is a good lookin' dude. He just is.

 

11)       I haven't written about Hayley Atwell in a while. I miss her too. *swoon*

 

12)       The Buffalo Sabres still need a starting goaltender. They've needed a starting goaltender since Ryan Miller left. I personally believe that they'd be sitting in at least a wildcard spot right now if they had a starting goaltender that could win some games on his own.

 

13)       *WARNING THIS ITEM CONTAINS VULGARITY* I know people who have suffered from cancer. I know several people who are currently suffering from cancer, one of whom recently received a rather dire diagnosis. Cancer can fuck itself right in its fucking face.  Right. In its fucking. Face.

 

14)       Why do people care how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if it could chuck wood, anyway?

 

1S)       Australia has a lot of holidays. I'm looking at my calendar right now and there are five of them in the month of March, four of them on one single day, one of which is called "Eight Hours Day." I'm thinking they don't get a lot of work done in Australia.

 

16.       Some of you with OCD are starting to twitch because I haven't changed the format of the numbering all that much, but just did it twice in a row, and now you're going back and looking at all the others. *twitch twitch* You're welcome.

 

Seventeen.       Gotcha again.

 

18.       Why not a real green dress? Why is that cruel?

 

19.       Now you've been earwarmed with If I Had A Million Dollars.

 

(DAMMIT!!!)

 

XX.     I should get back to work now.

 

 

© 2017 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.