Love and Birds and Stuff

I feel like I should be writing a message about love and chocolates and flowers and puppies and bacon and stuff.

 

(Puppies… and bacon?)

 

Nothing says love like bacon. And scotch.

 

(Dude. Seriously. You have issues.)

 

I know, my dear, parenthetical heckler. I know.

 

Here's the thing – I don't feel like writing about love. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. I know, I know, it's Valentine's Day. But, honestly, do you know how this holiday started? And what it represents? I mean, if you read some reports, it has to do with the mid-February mating rituals of migratory birds in the Middle Ages.

 

(Surely you're not serious. WAIT!!!! I didn't mean to –)

 

Yes I am, and don't call me Shirley.

 

(Dammit. Walked right into that one.)

 

You surely did. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm as romantic as the next guy. Actually, let me take that back – I'm way more romantic, generally, then the next guy, or the guy after him. I just, I don't know. Valentine's Day is an odd day. I think my issue is this:

 

Why do we celebrate love for just one day?

 

(This is going to be a long, introspective, and existential post, isn't it?)

 

It surely is.

 

Let me start by saying that I am probably not the one to be giving advice on love. Being twice married… and twice divorced, one might say I'm not exactly an authority on the subject. Then again, I can offer something that many others cannot; perspective.

 

I know what it's like to commit, to commit errors, to fight and falter. Every serious relationship I've been in, and every fleeting one, has taught me something about love. Some lessons I've learned, some I've ignored, and some I've had to repeat. I like to think that I'm a better partner in my relationship now because of my experiences. I'm still far from perfect, but hey, at least I remember to put the seat down, most of the time, I do my own laundry, and I try to remind the woman I love that I love her on a reasonably regular basis.

 

Obviously there's a lot more to it than toilet etiquette, sharing chores and texting a kissy face emoji from time to time. It takes a lot to love: time; energy; effort; dedication.

 

The funny thing is…it also take a lot to be loved. That, my friends, is something many of us tend to forget.

 

I don't know how to love; I don't know how to be loved. I'd venture a guess that there are few who possess such knowledge; when it comes to love, we just do. But what does that mean???

 

Love yourself first, people say.

 

Give of yourself.

 

Blah. Blah. Blah.

 

Here's what I think: Be yourself, first and foremost. Don't pretend. You're only going to hurt yourself, and whomever you're with, if you are not your true self. Too often we lose ourselves in relationships, focusing too much on the we instead of the me. I know I've done it. I've let pieces of myself go, and when you do that, there comes a point when you've let so many pieces go you no longer recognize what's left.

 

Don't be what someone else wants or expects you to be. You'd be surprised just how much someone will respect and, yes, love your genuine uniqueness. And love you for it.

 

Pretense is the death of love.

 

(That's pretty deep. Can I use that?)

 

Please do. I'm serious, though – falsity destroys love. Just be honest – to yourself, to your partner. That's the foundation on which love is built – not the sex, not the attraction, not the commonality, although each of those is certainly important.

 

For a while I thought I was too cynical to love again. Thankfully I was wrong, but it took a good, long while before I could cast aside that cloak. In some ways, I still wear it, and I'm working on that. Being honest with myself about it, about my own faults and foibles, is a start.

 

Beyond that, I'm not going to offer advice. Seriously. Who am I to tell you how to love? Or be loved? I'm just some guy on the interwebs with words. You think I'm crazy half the time, anyway.

 

(More than that, actually….)

 

*blink blink*

 

Fine.

But do yourself a favor; think about it; think about love today. What is it to you? What is love?

 

(Baby don't hurt m…. GODDAMMIT. You haven't earwormed us in a while.)

 

*snicker* I know. You had that coming.

 

Still… Think about love. Really think about it. Think about yourself, your partner, that feeling you get when you're together, and how you feel when you're apart. Celebrate it, all of it, because there's no one singular thing that defines love, or a relationship. And don't limit yourselves to recognizing it for just one, measly day per year. Don't minimize it. Just go out there and love.

 

(But what if we're not in a relationship?)

 

You are always in a relationship. Every. Single. Day. You may not be in the romantic relationship that you desire or deserve, but you are in one. Hell, you're likely in many. With family, with friends, and yes, even with pets. I know love is all around me.

 

(Come on and let it SON OF A… that's twice.)

 

*gigglesnort* I needed to make up for lost time.

 

Tell me I'm wrong, though. Tell me you don’t experience love every single day. From a friend, via a meme or message. From family. From your lover, your partner, your pet. When your cat head butts you? That's love. When your dog wags its tail, or your friend sends you that thing they know will make you laugh…. Love doesn't have to be chocolates and roses, cards and kisses.

 

Love can just be. Let it. What have you got to lose?

 

Honestly… what do you have to lose?

 

Are you afraid of pain? Rejection or loss? Sure. There's that. But tell me it's not worth it in the end.

 

(Some don't think so.)

 

And I pity those folks, I really do, because they're missing so much in the meantime. So let me suggest this:

 

Just be there for those who fear love. You can love them without them even realizing it. All it takes is the tiniest act of compassion, or a simple gesture. A little love goes a long way, even if you believe otherwise.

 

Okay, I'm rambling now. Again, who am I but a guy on the interwebs with words?

 

BUT…

 

I am a guy that believes in love. And I hope you do, too.

 

Happy celebration of mid-February bird-pairing in the Middle Ages!

 

 

© 2017 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.