Random Acts of Nonsensery

Time for more random things. Because it's Friday. And because applesauce.

1.         Monday the 31^st of August is a bank holiday in the UK. Except for Scotland. Because f*ck Scotland, apparently.

2.         The big toe on your dominant foot is longer that the big toe on your non-dominant foot.

4.         Chewing gum is not sold at the Orlando airport because of Disney World.

5.         Your smart phone contains more computing power than all of the technology used to land a man on the moon, yet the primary uses of smart phones are sending text messages and checking social media.

6.         I always skip number 3. Have you people not figured that out yet?

7.         No one really knows who put the bomp in the bop shebop shebop.

8.         Those of you not wearing shoes are still measuring your big toes and just realizing that I made that up.

9.         Few things in life are more disconcerting than having to "number two" really bad and then sitting down on a warm toilet seat in a public restroom.

10.       Despite the fact that there are three "New York" teams in the NFL, the Buffalo Bills are the only team to actually play in New York State.

3.         Three still doesn't come after ten.

l1.        In 2015, Nicklas Lidstrom, Chris Pronger, Phil Housley, and Sergei Fedorov were all inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame, marking what may be the first time in history that all NHL inductees had played the same position (defense). Fedorov, though typically a forward, was often utilized as a defenseman by the Detroit Red Wings.

12.       Everything is better with bacon.

13.       Thirteen has been deemed unlucky, with some theories attributing the notion to the Friday the 13^th massacre of the Knights Templar, or to the Last Supper in which a thirteenth member of the dinner party turned on Jesus Christ. (G*ddammit, Judas!)

14.       There's something wrong with number 11.

15.       I have four tattoos, but have been inked six separate times. I will go under the needle at least once more before the end of the calendar year.

16.       Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens in one hundred and twelve days, 32 years after the release of the film that precedes it chronologically (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi).

 

17.       You're still wondering about number 11, aren't you?

18.       In the United States, though a licensed arms dealer cannot sell a long gun to anyone under 18, any unlicensed person can privately sell a long gun to anyone, of any age, meaning an eight year old could legally purchase a 12-guage shotgun. File that in the WTF category.

19.       Johnny Unitas is perhaps the best NFL quarterback ever to wear #19.

20.       If you haven't yet figured it out, the first portion of the number eleven above is actually a lower-case L.

21.       There are twenty-one work days in the month of August.

22.       Comedian Jim Carey wears a tu-tu in the film Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. (See what I did there? 22… tu-tu…)

23.       I am writing this list neither under the influence of alcohol nor of medication. For reals.

24.       Keifer Sutherland, star of the TV series "24" is British by birth, and had a Scottish-born grandfather that was the Premier of Saskatchewan, Canada. (Thank you, IMDb.)  So, American actor is born in England and had a Scottish grandfather that was Canadian.

25.       Jimmy Buffett was born on December 25^th, so I leave you with this Buffett lyric that I hope is applicable to my life when I reach this age…. "Through eighty-six years of perpetual motion, if he likes you he'll smile then he'll say: Jimmy some of it's magic, some of it's tragic but I had a good life all the way."

© 2015 J.J. Goodman. All rights reserved.