J.J. Goodman: Writings, Musings and More

“Have I not followed your path? Have I not done all that you’ve asked of me?” His screams did little more than to stir the doves from their rest among the branches of a nearby, lonely tree. “Why do you punish me so?” He fell to his knees and wept, noticing not the dampness of the earth as it wetted the cloth of his linen trousers and the tips of his wings that had fallen sullenly to his sides. The blackness of the soil that now dirtied them, juxtaposed against the stark whiteness of the feathers, gave his wingtips the ominous appearance of bloodied knives. They were the blades with which he’d unintentionally, and unwittingly, used to cut away, that which allowed him to soar. Now, heavy with the rain and weighed with soil, his wings would not lift him. His tears blended with the raindrops that streaked his face until he could no longer distinguish the source. “Why?” he yelled to the heavens. No answer would come. Forlornly, he rose and began his journey back to the palace fro...

So, yesterday was the fourth day of Spring, March 23 rd , a Monday, and the temperature was fourteen degrees below the freezing mark. On the fourth day of Spring. Below freezing. And Monday. Seriously, WTF, universe? (Bloody hell, it's going to be one of those posts, isn't it?) I'm afraid so. Things have been a little hectic lately, with work being extraordinarily busy, my sleep pattern reverting to its usual state of nonexistence, my preparing to change abodes, and the general unpredictability of the goings-on of my life. So of course you know what that means…. (What? Wait, dammit. I can't believe I just asked that.) Too late. You asked. No take-backsies. What that means is that I've been up all night thinking of some of the most randomly stupid itshay and that I've been incredibly *SQUIRRELL!!!!* distracted when it comes to the personal and private side of me. And in that I can't let all this crap bounce around in my skull without ...

So here’s an interesting one for you… Regular readers will be familiar with my adoration of comedic writer Dave Barry, as I often quote or paraphrase his trademark phrase “I swear I am not making this up.” Thankfully I lead an interesting enough life that I am often presented with circumstances that tell tales themselves or inspire me to do so. What transpired this afternoon was just such a circumstance. What was it, you ask? I’ll tell you; today I received a piece of what I can really only describe as hate mail. Now, I have received negative emails and feedback in the past. This blog is, by and large, satirical and cynical and the opinions and views I express on these pages admittedly won’t be for everyone all the time. Generally I don’t feel the need to respond, and I certainly wouldn’t address such matters in this open forum. The correspondence I received today, though, falls into a different category. This email was from someone connected to my past; a person that, de...

"Excuse me?" She said with incredulity. She couldn't help but smile and laugh, especially if she had heard him correctly.   "I said that I'd like to not buy you a drink!" He returned her smile disarmingly, and his approach certainly had the desired effect – he'd gotten her attention, and kept it.   "Wow. Okay, that's the first time someone has tried to pick me up in a bar by offering to not buy me a drink!"   "Here's the thing," he began as he took the stool beside her and sat down, the whole while ignoring the beefy jock that has been trying to chat her up when he first approached. "Any tool can buy you a drink, and one of two things is going to happen: either you're going to think he's only trying to pick you up by buying you booze, or you're going to accept the drink with no intention of giving the guy a chance because you just want a free drink. So I figured let's skip the pr...

Let's face it – There are a lot of stupid, annoying things out there that exasperate us on a daily basis. Many of them we can't control, like Keanu Reeves, the Patriots cheating, or the weather. But there are those things that continue to exist, seemingly for the sole purpose of annoyance, that we can control… and should.   (And you're going to tell us all about them, aren't you?)   Darn tootin', I am.   (*sigh* Okay, let me get my coffee.)   I am being serious. And I bet you a drink that when I'm done you're going to agree with every single thing I mention here.   (You're on.)   Ok, in no particular but in very specific order:   8.          Daylight Savings Time. This archaic practice needs to go away. Like yesterday, away. Ok, more like two days ago away, since we changed the clocks back in the wee hours of Sunday morning. In any event, just… why? Why ...