J.J. Goodman: Writings, Musings and More

IshouldreallyknowbetterthantodrinkaMtnDewKickstartwithlunchweeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   (Oh dear sweet cripes, here we go….)   You be quiet. I am actually not that wired.   (Uh huh. And Keanu Reeves is a good actor.)   You. Be. Quiet.   (Sorry, I thought you said "weird," not "wired." My bad.)   *blink blink*   AHEM. So for those just joining us, and there's been a few additions of late, let me introduce you to my blog and the Parenthetical Heckler. Here on these pages I post pretty much anything and everything, from short stories, to songs and poetry, to satire, social commentary, and on extremely rare occasions, some political rants, though I generally try to avoid those. These pages are my outlet, and without the means to get the words out of my head and onto these pages, I'd likely go fifty shades of insane. So it is here where I share, well, me. All this stuff you see? All these wor...

He had skated at Rockefeller Center in the shadow of one of the nation's largest Christmas trees. He'd even wished Mele Kalikimaka on the beaches of Hawaii. What he'd never done, however, was truly celebrate Christmas with someone he loved. Sure, he'd been married, and had been dating at the holidays in the past, but something had always been missing. If you asked him what it was, he'd be unable to explain. It was just… something.   "Hey pal. I'm headed out. You sure you don't want to swing by tonight? The kids would love to see you."   "Nah, you enjoy your family time. But thanks Peter, I appreciate the offer."   "George, come on. You know you're family."   "I know, and I do truly appreciate it. You know how it is for me though."   "Alright man. Try to enjoy it if you can. Merry Christmas."   "Merry Christmas, Peter."   Once Peter left,...

All Christians belong to the KKK. All of them. Therefore all Christianity should be banned. (I…uh…what the hell is going here?) What? I mean, all Muslims are terrorists, right? So it stands to reason that all Christians belong to the KKK. Because of all people of a faith must be equated with the least common denominator of that particular faith. That's how it works, doesn't? (Um, not really….) No, not really. Not in any way, shape or form, frankly. Yet social media is full of rants and ravings decrying the Muslim faith, calling for internment camps, deportations, and refusal to accept refugees. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The ignorant reactions so many people in the country have to situations of terrorism makes me ashamed to be an American. Muslim extremists are just that; they are extreme factions of a faith that act upon misplaced ideology separately, distinctly and apart from the basic tenet of the underlying faith. Hence m...

As if it wasn't bad enough that 2015 will likely go down in history as the year in which everyone was offended by everything, I've now read something on the interwebs that is so buxomly asshatty that I don't even know if I. Can. Even.     ("Buxomly asshatty?" Dude. Decaf. Seriously.)   Amply of an asshattery nature. Is that better?   (Not really.)   Shush, you. So I am paraphrasing here, but Variety magazine recently reviewed the new Peanuts and has come out to basically say that the Peanuts are racist because the new film doesn't feature an African-American or other minority love interest for Charlie Brown.   *blink blink*   To be precise: " But a little modernization wouldn’t have hurt, especially in the diversity department. While Franklin remains Charlie Brown’s only brown friend, a non-white love interest would have been as progressive as Schulz’s tomboyish depiction of Peppermint Patty was bac...