Radiant
For some reason my old college apartment popped in my head this afternoon, prompting this foray into my imagination. Read. Discuss. Give thoughts. Enjoy!
______________________________________ “Do it.”
“No.”
“I said do it!”
“NO!” he yelled emphatically before covering his mouth with his hand. It didn’t matter. There was no one there to hear him. Cameron Reedle was most definitely alone. As he turned to scan his surroundings Cam did indeed confirm that his was the only breath in the room. The voice he heard was his own, and it was the same voice he heard almost every Friday night like clockwork. In those moments he deeply regretted his decision not to move after graduation. Instead, he kept the same dumpy apartment he had as an undergrad and continued to live with The Two Johns (as he had come to call his roommates with the same name). Cam and John Benson (JB) stayed on for law school and were now deeply entrenched in their second year of study. John Darling (JD) however, had only gone to college out of obligation and immediately took a job at his father’s car dealership upon barely graduating. Despite being two years removed, neither of the Johns had yet been able to let go of their undergraduate lifestyle and continued to party hard every Friday night. JD’s room was right on the other side of the wall from Cam ’s, much to his dismay. Always the charmer, JD usually managed to bring home some self loathing sorority girl, causing Cam to pull his pillow over his head to drown out the banging of the bed frame in the next room on a nearly nightly basis.
`”I hate my life,” Cam whispered as he stared at the pile of sleeping pills and small bottle of Stoli that sat on his desk. Every Friday night he’d sit there as the voices in his head told him to do it. This Friday night would end like all the others, though. He’d sigh, put the pills back in the bottle and set it on the shelf, take one quick swig of the vodka and then put the liquor back in his desk drawer. Then he’d tell the voices in his head to go fuck themselves, maybe watch some porn on his laptop, jerk off and hopefully pass out before his roommates stumbled home. The Johns had their Friday night ritual, he had his.
Cameron sat on his bed and opened the computer but really had no interest. “When masturbation’s lost its fun you’re fucking lazy,” he thought to himself, singing the Green Day lyrics in his head. Slamming the computer shut he got up and wandered from his tiny bedroom down the hall to the tinier kitchen. The sink was full again. Cam did a lot of the cooking. The deal was that the Johns were supposed to do the dishes. That seldom happened. Cam ignored it. It they weren’t clean by morning he’d dump the dishes on JB’s bed. That trick had worked in the past. For the time being though he stood and squinted his eyes. The glare from the sickly yellow light emanated from the old refrigerator light bulb as he scrounged for something to drink other that a Blue light. Cameron usually hid a vitamin water in the vegetable crisper knowing that neither of the Johns would ever think to look there. Taking a swig, he enjoyed the cold water gliding down his throat. The clock read 11:37 and suddenly Cam felt very tired. He was about to wander back to his room and go to bed when a soft knock on the door nearly frightened him out of his lounge pants. It took him a second to catch his breath before he could open the door. He blushed when he did.
“Hey Cam . Can I come in?” Renee asked. Cam stumbled over his words.
“Um, uh, yeah, sure, yes of course.” Renee walked in past Cam and immediately dropped herself into the papasan chair in the corner of the apartments’ meager living room without turning on a light. Cam closed the door and followed behind her, switching on the small lamp next to the couch on the opposite side of the room. He stood and stared. Renee was one of the girls that lived upstairs. They were friends, but only friends in the sense that they lived in and shared the same decrepit two-unit apartment building and had to be friendly. Renee was the only one of the three girls that would ever give Cam the time of day, but this visit was certainly out of the norm.
“It’s rude to stare,” Renee reminded Cam as she pulled her arms up around her breasts. She was wearing a tightly fitting, cream colored cammi that left little to the imagination and a pair of red plaid flannel pants. It was obvious that she wore nothing else.
“Sorry,” Cam replied, embarrassed. “What’s up?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Britney’s boyfriend is over.” Almost as if on cue they heard a loud thud followed by Britney’s cackling laughter. Britney’s room was directly over the living room in which they sat. Renee rolled her eyes. “Oh my God! Can we hang in your room?” Renee asked. Without waiting for an answer she rose and walked down the hall to Cameron’s room. Dumbfounded, Cameron followed. Renee was sitting Indian style in the middle of his bed when he walked in. The room was long, but narrow, with his double bed taking up the far wall. Next to it was six drawer dresser. Opposite that was the one small window, and on the other side of that his large desk. There were no decorations on the walls.
“How can you live like this?” Renee asked absently as she took a rubber band from her wrist and put her long brown hair into a ponytail. Cameron couldn’t help but sneak a glance at her cleavage as she raised her arms up behind her head.
“I don’t know,” he replied, again embarrassed as he noticed the pile of dirty clothes in the corner with a pair of bright orange jack-o-lantern boxer shorts right on top. At first he intended to move it, but he decided he honestly didn’t care that much and sat down at his desk chair. They stared at each other awkwardly.
“Wow, you sure know how to show a girl a good time,” Renee said dryly.
“”Hey! Wait a minute, you just came down here,” he began.
“Oh relax, I’m just busting your chops. So you going home for Thanksgiving?” she asked. Renee was senior and had just turned twenty-one over the summer. Cameron would be twenty-three in a little over a week’s time. Nothing said fun like a birthday smack in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“No, I don’t think so. My dad is going to Mexico
Renee nodded and looked around the room. She didn’t really care to know, anyway. She really just wanted to get away from Britney’s Friday night love fest. Thankfully Cameron was home. Cam was always home.
“Put on some music.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“I don’t know, surprise me.”
“Nice,” Renee said with a smile as Cam turned around. More awkward silence. Cam wasn’t exactly good with girls. He wasn’t a virgin but “experienced” wasn’t exactly a word one would use to describe his level of sexual proficiency. He had secretly had a crush on Renee and hoped to high heaven it wasn’t evident as she now sat there, on his bed, enticingly. Renee cocked her head and smirked.
“Cam , can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What?”
Do you think I’m hot?”
“No.” Renee’s smirk quickly disappeared with Cam ’s unexpectedly quick answer. She was about to get up and walk out when he continued. “Renee, you don’t want to be hot. Hot girls are annoying. Hot girls strut around like they own the world and treat everybody like shit unless they bow down to them and tell them how hot they are. Hot girls piss me off. You, you’re not one of them.”
Renee looked at him, confused. “Ok, so,” she started to say before Cam cut her off.
“You’re not a hot girl, Renee. You’re beautiful. Radiant. You don’t need to be “hot,” that’s all I’m saying.”
This time Renee blushed. For the third time they shared an awkward silence. Renee looked down at the pillow next to her and, before she could change her mind, pulled the covers back, climbed in Cameron’s bed, and rested her head on that very pillow.
“Are you coming to bed?” she asked as if they had been married for decades. Cam just shook his head.
“Um, sure,” he said in complete bewilderment as he climbed over her, slid behind her and shut off the light. Renee pulled his arm across her waist, shuffled back so her body pressed against his, and closed her eyes. Cam shook his head and wondered what the hell was happening. He didn’t care. Instinctively he kissed the back of Renee’s head, said good night and pulled her close. Whatever this was, he wasn’t going to waste it, or spoil it. Renee grinned and mouthed the word “radiant” as she drifted happily off to sleep.
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